


Across the U-S-A

by wannaliveindeansdimples



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Road Trip, Anal Play, Anal Sex, Dildos, Fluff and Smut, Frottage, Giant Spiders, Gratuitous Smut, Hand Jobs, Kink Exploration, M/M, Misunderstandings, Oral Sex, Road Trips, Sex Toys, Shower Sex, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-17
Updated: 2015-08-23
Packaged: 2018-04-14 19:06:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 30,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4576284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wannaliveindeansdimples/pseuds/wannaliveindeansdimples
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Dean's life falls apart and he has to drive out to California, he puts out an ad for passengers to help cover the cost of gas. The only person interested is a blue-eyed guy named Castiel, with a hoodie and a deadline to meet. Before they even reach Denver, Dean's life has significantly changed again, this time for the better. The question is, does Cas feel the same way?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Guys, I finished this sucker a year ago. Right before I found out I was getting published (and right after GISHWHES and not too long before Dallas Con) and somehow, I never got around to posting it 'til now. I beta'd it this time, so typos probably remain, but hopefully fewer than usual. Chuck knows I fixed enough on the reread.
> 
> Anyway, not a WIP, but I'll be posting chapters every day or so, rather than the whole thing at once.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean meets his traveling companion.

When Dean lost his job, his apartment and his girlfriend in the same week, he knew what he had to do. He had to head across the country and be close to his little brother like he’d wanted for months. He hadn’t been able to afford it before—and hadn’t been able to get out of his lease—but now all the money he’d had saved up for bills for the next few months was his to spend as he pleased.

He’d been with Lisa longer than he should have—well past the normal sell by date of his usual relationships, but also longer than their dynamic could justify. They just hadn’t clicked the way he’d expected when she’d asked him to move in a year ago. Working together had not helped.

She became convinced he’d cheated on her. He hadn’t. He did a lot of things he wasn’t so proud of when it came to dating, but cheating wasn’t one of them. He didn’t know where the underwear Lisa found had come from or to whom they belonged, but he hadn’t taken them off anyone. She’d hired a private detective of all things—which, wow, really?—and it had turned into a circus.

He’d told her she was crazy and that he thought they should split up. In turn she’d managed to get him fired, kicked him out of his apartment and turn half their coworkers-slash-mutual “friends” against him. At least he got the good half, he supposed.

That meant he could crash on Benny’s couch and Charlie was more than willing to help him put an ad in the college paper to find people to share the ride across country with. He would never have thought of that himself, so he was doubly grateful to her for the idea. Maybe he wouldn’t have to use all his savings to get there, after all.

Sammy, for his part, was excited to see him. He’d made some friends, but he was still lonely out in California while Dean was in North Carolina. Since their parents were both gone now, and they had no other living relatives, it was Sam and Dean against the world. Even though Dean was probably at the age where he should be thinking about starting a family, it wasn’t really his style.

The ad had been up for a week, though, and Dean hadn’t gotten any bites. Charlie was talking about alternative places to run it, but Dean thought he might just give up on it if he didn’t get any takers in the next couple of days. He was really anxious to get on the road. Not that he wouldn’t miss his friends, but Benny’s couch was lumpy and the guy snored like a bear.

In addition to placing the ad online, Charlie had convinced him to post it on the bulletin board in the student lounge. After he’d gone a week and a half with no takers, he went back to take it down. He’d decided he was leaving the next morning, and he didn’t want to deal with any phone calls when he was already on the road. Not one of the little tear away numbers was missing. Figured. It was how his life had been going.

As he took down the paper, a dark-haired guy in an ill-fitted coat walked up to the board, mumbling something that might have been “Excuse me.” As Dean turned away, though, the guy called out a clear, “Hey, wait!” Dean turned and had his breath taken by the bluest, most intense eyes he’d ever seen. “You’re taking that? I was actually coming to pull the number.”

“Oh. Um, yeah, I’m leaving in the morning, so….”

The guy looked disappointed. “So you don’t need any more passengers? Shit.”

“Well, actually, I didn’t get _any_ takers. I mean, could you leave tomorrow? Morning?”

The blue eyes brightened. “Yes! Absolutely. It’s very important that I get to California as soon as possible.”

“Okay. Um, well, before we take off in a car together for a week, we should probably make sure we can get along. You, uh, wanna go get some coffee?”

“I suppose that would be a good idea.”

So that’s how Dean found himself sitting across the diner from an odd little dude in a hoodie, nursing a coffee and wishing he’d chosen to suggest beer instead of coffee.

“So, tell me about yourself. Sorry, what’s your name?”

“Castiel. Castiel Novak.”

“Cool name. Uh, I’m Dean Winchester. I’m going to California to stay with my little brother. He’s going to Stanford. Lost my job and my apartment all at once, so that’s my story. How about you?”

“I have to get to California before the end of the month. I have to….” He stirred his coffee again for no reason Dean could see. “I have to scatter my father’s ashes.”

“Oh. Man, I’m sorry about your dad. I lost mine a few years ago. Were you close?”

“Our relationship was... complicated. Still, it’s been very difficult to bring myself to get rid of his ashes as I should have.”

“Yeah, I hear ya. My dad and I, we definitely didn’t have the best relationship, but when he was gone...it upset me more than I expected, you know?” Castiel nodded. “But why the deadline? I mean, it’s the middle of the semester, right?”

Castiel sighed, clearly not wanting to explain. “My father... he was rather capricious. His will stipulated that I have to scatter his ashes in the Pacific ocean within one year of his death or I will lose my inheritance. That includes my college tuition and my home. I don’t mind so much for me, but I donate a lot of money to….” He shook his head. “You probably don’t want to hear about this.”

“No, please. I do. I like knowing the people I take long trips with. And this is interesting.”

“You’re not thinking ‘poor little rich boy’?”

“Actually, no. You don’t strike me as the assholish rich boy type. If I’m wrong, I can always drop you off in the middle of Nebraska and be rid of your sorry ass,” he teased with a wink.

As he’d hoped, it drew a small smile from Castiel. “Fair enough. There’s a youth shelter and I donate an amount to them every month. They’ve come to depend on it. I’d rather not lose the ability to help them, if I don’t have to.” He frowned. “I just kept putting off the ashes until I ran out of time, though. I did all the other things.”

“Other things? You mean, you had to do more than just the ashes to keep the money?”

“Yes. Capricious, as I mentioned. Nothing terribly difficult. I managed everything else. I should fly, but with all the regulations, I don’t want to risk losing his ashes on the trip.”

Dean shuddered at the idea of being on an airplane. “I don’t blame you. Well, so all right. It’s good you saw my ad. How come you didn’t call me sooner?”

“I only found out about the ad this afternoon. My friend Meg saw it and told me it was there.”

“Oh. Okay, well, I can pick you up in the morning. We should be able to make it in a week, week and a half tops. How much can you pitch in?”

“If you can get me there on time, I can pay for all of it.”

“Dude, I can’t ask you to pay for all of it. It’s supposed to be a shared thing.”

“Okay, then I can pay for the gas and motels and you can pay for our food. But now that we’ve established that I have a trust fund and you have no job, I would rather just pay for everything.”

“I’ll pay for the food, then. I guess I can accept you paying the bulk, for the reasons you said, but I can’t let you pay it all. Where should I pick you up?”

Castiel gave him the address.

“Okay, man. I will see you in the morning.” He stopped, realizing he’d never discussed departure time. “You okay with leaving at five AM?”

“Yes, that’s fine. We can discuss driving shifts then.”

Dean laughed. “Oh, I will be the only driver. Nobody drives Baby but me.”

“You can’t possibly do all the driving,” Castiel said, incredulous.

“Dude, I can, trust me. I’ve done it lots of times.” That was stretching the truth a bit. But he _had_ done it twice.

Castiel still looked unconvinced, but he shrugged.

“Oh, wait, duh, do you need a ride back to your car?”

“I don’t have a car. I walked to campus. It’s okay, I can walk from here.”

“You sure? I don’t mind driving you home.”

“I’ll be fine, but thank you.” Just as he said it, two things happened at once. The waitress came with their check—and it started to rain. “Shit.”

Dean laughed at the look of defeat on Castiel’s face. He threw a five dollar bill on the table and stood up. “Come on, Castiel. I’ll take you home. Don’t worry. My friend Charlie lives over near you and I need to go say goodbye, anyway.”

Castiel nodded gratefully. “Thank you, Dean.”

“Sure thing, man.” For the first time, he noticed that, while the hoodie made Castiel _look_ skinny, his biceps actually filled out the arms when he moved. _Interesting._

Dean had Castiel wait under the awning while he tucked his leather jacket over his head and got the passenger door unlocked. Then he ran around to the drivers side and got in as Castiel slid in beside him. Castiel was frowning.

“I’m afraid we’ve gotten your car wet.”

“It’s cool, man. Here.“ He reached into the rear seat and grabbed a towel, handing it to his dripping companion. He grabbed another for himself. There were perks to having all your possessions packed in your back seat, he supposed.

“Thanks.”

Dean cranked up the heater. Pretty soon he realized a new fact about Castiel, which was that he smelled good. Whatever it was, the rain hadn’t washed it away and the heat was intensifying it. Cute, interesting and he smelled good? Dean would have to be careful if they were going to be spending seven to ten days alone in close proximity.

“The first turn is right up ahead,” Castiel told him, breaking the silence and interrupting his thoughts.

“So, aren’t you going to have problems with your classes if you leave in the middle of the semester like this?” Dean asked to break the quiet.

“No. I’m ahead on all my course work and I rarely attend lectures, anyway. I have special permission.”

Dean glanced at him thoughtfully. “Is that a perk of being really rich? Or really smart?”

Castiel hummed. “I had always assumed it was the latter, but it may be a combination of the two, now that you mention it.”

“Must be nice,” Dean said with a smile to show he meant no offense.

“Are you all done with school?”

Dean chuckled. “More like school is done with me. Dropped out senior year and got my GED.”

Dean waited for the judgement, but Castiel just nodded. “The high school system in this country is... not ideal. I can certainly understand dropping out. I wanted to many times myself. Had it not been for my financial privileges and my desire to get my degree, I would have.”

“Oh, hey,” Dean called out, partially to change the subject. “We’re actually really close to Charlie’s. You mind if I stop on the way to drop you off? If I do that, I can take a shortcut back to Benny’s.”

“You’re doing me a favor by giving me a ride. How could I object?”

Dean laughed. “You are not like my other friends, Cas.”

The rain had finally slacked off a couple of minutes later when they pulled up at Charlie’s house. Dean was pretty surprised at how far they’d driven.

“You really walk this everyday?”

“Run it, actually. I run track, so it’s good practice.”

“Oh. Okay. Well, come on, you should meet Charlie.”

“Is he coming with us?” Castiel asked with a confused expression that made Dean laugh yet again.

“No, man, _she_ ’s just really cool and I think she’ll like you, too.”

“Oh. All right.”

They walked up to the door and Dean knocked. The ornate wooden door was finally yanked open by a feisty redhead whose scowl turned into a smirk when she saw Dean had company with him.

“Replaced Lisa already, huh? Nice choice.” She eyed Castiel up and down. She played for the other team, but she appreciated all uniforms equally.

Dean glanced quickly at Castiel and saw wide, petrified eyes before he turned his flustered gaze back to Charlie. “What? No, dude, this is Castiel, he’s gonna ride to California with me.”

Charlie looked disappointed a that. “Oh. Dammit, I lost a bet. I bet Benny ten bucks you’d find somebody else before you even left town.” She glared at him and shook her head. “I thought you had better game than this, Winchester.”

Dean rolled his eyes at her. “Are you going to invite us in or not?” He was a little annoyed that she had more or less outed him as bisexual to Castiel. He hadn’t planned on telling the guy unless it came up naturally.

“Don’t get your panties in a twist,” she told him as she stepped back. “Or is today not a panty day?” she asked with a smirk as he walked through the door behind Castiel.

“What the _hell_ , Charlie?” he asked in a low voice. Telling the new guy about his panty kink? Seriously uncool. “You want me to start talking about your private shit now?”

The teasing went out of Charlie’s eyes and she bit her lip. “Sorry, I just thought…” She looked away. “Castiel, will you excuse us?”

Castiel was standing there looking dumbfounded and very confused. Dean didn’t know if he’d heard their last couple of exchanges or not. All he said was, “Of course.”

Charlie dragged Dean into the kitchen. “Look, I’m sorry. You’re just... you’re not wearing your new people face, so I thought he was a friend.”

Dean squinted and frowned as he asked, “My _new people face_? What the hell are you talking about?”

Charlie sighed, then spoke in a loud whisper. “You’re weird around new people. You don’t look like you. You get all pinched and... weird looking. But you’ve got your Dean face on and so.…” She trailed off, glaring now. “Don’t look at me like that! Benny knows what face I mean. He’ll back me up.”

Dean matched his voice to hers. “Whatever. From now on, don’t bring up my sexuality or my kinks in front of new people without my permission, got it? I told you that stuff in confidence, you know. Hell, Benny doesn’t even know about the panty thing!”

Charlie snorted. “Benny totally knows about the panty thing, Dean. One night your pants rode low and he saw them and he was totally checking out your—“

“Not helping your case, Charlie!”

She sobered. “Right. Sorry. We can just say I was joking, right?”

“I gotta ride across the friggin’ country with this dude. Who, by the way, is paying for most of it ‘cause he’s loaded. If you’ve screwed this up for me, Charlie, I swear.…”

“Oh, please, he totally plays for my team. Well, not _my_ team, but like, our men’s division.”

Dean just rolled his eyes and walked back in the other room.

“Hey!” she called out after him. “You’re leaving for California and you don’t know if you’re coming back. Aren’t you even gonna give me a hug?”

All the fight went out of Dean when he saw how sad she looked. Charlie never, ever cried, but her eyes were plenty shiny right now. He gave her a smile and held out his arms. She ran into them and buried her face in the crook of his arm, wrapping her arms around his waist as he wrapped his around her shoulders.

“I’m gonna miss you, bro,” she mumbled into his sleeve. “You’re, like, my best dude friend, ever.”

“Same here, beautiful.” He kissed the top of her head. “I’ll call you every couple of days to check up, okay? I better not get voicemail,” he warned as he pulled away to level a finger at her.

She pushed him away with a roll of her eyes. “Even if I’m in the middle of sex when you call?” she asked.

He gave her a salacious smirk. “Especially if you’re in the middle of sex.”

“Ugh, you’re a pig!”

“You love me,” he assured her with a wink.

Her face softened and her chin trembled again. “Yeah.” Then her face toughened up again. “Even though I shouldn’t ‘cause you’re _gross_ ,” she told him with a punch to his arm.

“Yeah, well, I love you back even though you’re annoying and you punch like a girl.” It had the intended effect of getting her completely riled up and over her nearly-crying moment. The pins and needles that went down his arm as she punched him again were totally worth it.

“Castiel, it was nice to meet you. If he becomes intolerable and you have to kill him, just find me in his phone contacts and call me. I’ll help you figure out what to do with the body.”

Castiel, to his credit, laughed and promised, “I’ll do that. Thank you. It was nice meeting you.”

“If you’re coming back after California, swing by and we’ll have coffee.”

Castiel just smiled and nodded. Dean pulled Charlie in for another quick hug before walking toward the door.

“I’ll talk to you soon,” he promised as he opened it.

“Later, bitches!” Charlie called as she closed the door behind them.

Back in the car, Dean could tell Castiel wanted to say something—or possibly ask about the things Charlie had said—but couldn’t work up his nerve. So Dean prompted, “This ride will go much more smoothly if we don’t bottle shit up. If you wanna ask me something, just ask. If it’s not your business, I’ll say so.”

“Who is Lisa?”

“Oh. I didn’t tell you that part, huh? She’s the, uh, girlfriend I lost along with the apartment and the job. She’s actually the reason I lost the other two.”

Castiel frowned in confusion, even as he pointed out the next turn to Dean. “So why would she think that I was a replacement? Was Lisa supposed to come on this trip with you?”

“No, she’s the reason I gotta make this trip. Charlie was just joking. She was pretending she thought you were my boyfriend.”

Castiel’s brow furrowed and then smoothed out as he pointed out the next street. “I see. And I see now why you got so offended.” The guy seemed a little pissed off and Dean wasn’t sure what to make of it, but he wanted to make it stop, if he could.

“I wasn’t offended. I mean, there’s worse people she could have accused me of sleeping with,” he said with a wink, pretending he didn’t know Castiel was upset.

Castiel flushed and stammered, “It’s, um, the house is right there.” He pointed at a large mini-mansion, set well back from the road.

Dean couldn’t help his impressed whistle. “Nice digs, Cas. I definitely would not want you to lose this place.”

“Would you like to come in and look around? Or do you need to get home to sleep?”

“I can come in for a minute. You sure you don’t mind showing me around?”

“Not at all. It is a lovely house. I didn’t choose it, so that’s not bragging,” he hastened to assure Dean.

“It’s cool, man, I’m not worried.” Dean smiled as they pulled up into the circular driveway. “Do you have, like, servants and stuff?”

Castiel laughed and Dean thought it was a nice sound. “No. I mean, I have a service who comes in to clean once a week, but aside from that, no, I don’t have a staff. I do my own laundry and cooking. I do get my groceries delivered, but that’s because it’s Meg’s part time job.” He let them into the foyer.

“Aren’t you worried about leaving the place while you’re in California?”

“Meg is going to housesit for me.”

Castiel showed him around the downstairs, while Dean was struck dumb with how nice the place was. A college kid living all alone in this place? Dean would have gone crazy with parties. Just as well it was Cas and not him who ended up here, he supposed. Maybe Sam would have a house like this one day. That thought made him smile.

“And then upstairs it’s just bedrooms.”

“So, show me your room.”

Castiel looked surprised and confused. “Why would you want to see my room?”

“Because you can tell a lot about a person by where they sleep.”

Castiel shrugged. “I doubt you will glean much about me from my bedroom, but I will show you. Right this way.”

Dean followed Castiel up the stairs, resolutely not noticing the amazing way his ass looked in his jeans. He had a definite preference for women, but he noticed men, too. Since noticing was all he could do with Cas, he thought it best to not even do that, if he could help it. It was a shame, though. Dean hadn’t been with a guy since a year or so before he met Lisa and he couldn’t honestly say he would mind catching up on what he’d missed.

All these things filtered through his brain as they walked down a wide landing to a pair of double doors. Cas opened them and let them swing wide into the room. He made a “Here it is” gesture with his hands and then motioned Dean inside.

Dean looked around. While it was true that there were virtually no personal items visible in the room, Dean thought Castiel was totally wrong about how much it showed about his personality. The furniture in this room was totally different from the rest of the house. It was decorated more for comfort than style. The bed was against the inside wall, so that the foot faced the huge picture window. There were books everywhere.

“You were wrong, Cas. I can get a pretty good sense of what kind of person you are by looking at this room.”

“Oh? What do you think you know about me?” He looked a bit smug. Dean considered just refusing to tell him, but thought it would be more fun to wipe the smug look from his face.

“You love learning about the world. Appearances don’t mean a lot to you. You love all kinds of weather. And despite your wealth and privilege, you had a childhood that wasn’t the best. So you take comfort in things. Not in a materialistic way, but in a tactile way. You like things that are soft and feel good against your skin.”

When he saw the slightly terrified and raw look Castiel was giving him, he regretted his words. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have—“

Castiel shook his head, as if he was tossing the words off of him. “It’s... fine, Dean. You didn’t say anything that wasn’t true. I just wasn’t prepared for someone I just met to... well, it doesn’t matter.” He plastered on a smile that Dean could see didn’t quite meet his eyes. “We’ve got an early morning. You should probably head back.”

It was a clear dismissal and Dean didn’t try to argue. “You’re right. I’m sorry if I upset you. I really didn’t—“

“It’s fine, Dean.” This time, the smile seemed more genuine. “Truly. I will see you at five, okay? Drive safely.”

“I will. Thanks. See you.” Dean hastily made his departure, with Castiel following him down the stairs to lock the front door behind him.

The drive home seemed a lot faster and he was at Benny’s in no time. He teased Benny about what Charlie had said and that was actually pretty fun. He let Benny know he meant nothing by it, then hugged him goodbye.

“Gonna miss you, brother. You always got a place here, all right?”

“I know, man, thanks. And hey, if you ever make it out to Cali, look me up.”

“Will do, will do.” He rubbed his beard and asked, “This guy you’re going with, he cool?”

“Yeah, I think he’s a pretty good guy, actually. Kinda shy, but really smart. Helps out this youth center even though he doesn’t have to... I think it’s gonna be a good trip.”

“That’s good to hear, Dean. You be safe now.”

“I will, Benny. Man, I gotta get some shut eye. We agreed to leave at five.”

“Damn, you are a masochist, brother!” Benny teased as he headed up to bed. “I’ll see you around.”

Then he was gone and Dean was alone. The couch, never comfortable to begin with, seemed to grow new springs with which to torment him. Lumps he’d never previously noticed were shoving his arms into uncomfortable positions and he generally just couldn’t settle.

Then he realized he hadn’t told Sammy when he was leaving or that he had someone coming with him. Blessing the three hour time difference, he pulled out his phone.

**Headed out at five in the morning. Driving with a guy named Castiel. Can’t wait to see ya, bro!**

He didn’t have to wait long for a reply.

**> Sounds good, man. So how soon? A week? It’s gonna be awesome! :)**

**Give or take a couple days, yeah. It sure is :) Gotta sleep now.**

He knew Sam wouldn’t respond, so he turned his phone on vibrate, set the alarm and laid it on the floor. It was only then that he realized he hadn’t exchanged numbers with Castiel. He shrugged. If the guy changed his mind, he was getting up at five AM regardless. And if Dean was late, he’d just have to deal with it.

He rolled over with his back facing out and willed himself to ignore the lumps and springs. Thinking about sex sometimes helped, so he conjured a little fantasy to soothe him off to dreamland. Nothing racy enough to keep him awake, but just enough to get that warm, liquid buzz going.

It didn’t take long for the thoughts of a threeway with a girl and another guy to relax him enough to get him to sleep. That was the kind of thing he liked in theory, but not really so much in practice. He liked to concentrate on one person at a time, in real life. In his fantasies, though, the other two were just there to take care of him. By the time he realized the guy in his dream had dark hair, bright blue eyes and the perfect ass, Dean was falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me all the things. ♥


	2. You+Me is the Recipe for UST

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first day of the road trip: a world of adventure and a brush with the divine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're ready for more!

The next morning, Dean pulled up to the circular drive of Castiel’s house, anxious to get on the road and get some breakfast. Before he could get out of the car to ring the bell, however, Castiel was already coming out the door. Dean got out to help him with the stuff he was placing on the stoop.

He had only brought one suitcase, a small bag which he had slung over his shoulder and heavy wooden box. Then Dean spotted two white bags and two coffee mugs. He looked hopefully at Castiel as he closed and locked the door behind him.

“I took the liberty of getting us some coffee and breakfast. I wasn’t sure what you liked so I got breakfast tacos and pastries.”

“Man, that’s awesome. I’m starving and I can definitely use the caffeine. Let me put your stuff in the car and then we’ll eat on the road, okay?” Dean hefted the suitcase and tossed a look down at the box. “I’m going to put this in the trunk, but you want that in the back floorboard?”

“Yes, please, if that’s no trouble.”

“Dude, it’s your dad’s ashes. Even if it was trouble, I’d still do it.” He put the bag in the trunk and opened the back door on the passenger side. “Why don’t you go ahead and take breakfast and get in, okay?” he asked as he started back up the steps.

“Okay. Thank you, Dean.”

A few minutes later, as he polished off the pastry he’d followed up his breakfast taco with, he took a big swig of fairly decent coffee and then smiled at Castiel warmly.

“Thanks for getting breakfast. Especially since I know you had to walk to get it.”

The day was overcast, but at least it wasn’t raining. The forecast said the weather was supposed to get better as the day wore on and Dean hoped, since they didn’t have to stop, that they could beat the rain.

Castiel smiled back shyly. “It was no trouble. I wanted to get in a run before I got stuck sitting for so many days. I doubt I’ll feel much like it until we get there.”

“You run everyday, usually?”

“It depends, but at least three to four times a week, normally.”

“Well, cool. Hey, since this is partially up to you, so let me get your input. How fast do you need to get there? The trip will be less stressful if we drive for fewer hours and stop every night, but we will get there faster if I drive till I drop and then we find a place to sleep.”

Castiel was thoughtful as he methodically chewed his danish and sipped his coffee. Finally, he suggested, “Why don’t we alternate? Drive as far as you can one day, take it easy the next. That way we get there faster, but you don’t burn out.”

Dean nodded, considering. “I think that sounds like a good plan.” He nodded again, pooching out his lips. “Ok, so hell bent for leather today, sightseeing speed tomorrow. I like it.”

He considered turning on the radio, but he wanted to save that for when he was both more tired and more comfortable with Castiel. He might want to sing along, after all. Instead, he thought he might as well strike up a conversation with the guy. They had a long drive ahead and he didn’t intend to spend it in the awkward silence that was threatening to descend.

“So, you obviously like to read. Talk to me about books.”

Castiel looked uncertain. “What about books?”

“I don’t know, what are your favorites? What are you reading now? Whatever you wanna talk about, about books.” Dean shrugged as he executed a turn to get them onto the interstate on-ramp.

Castiel opened the small bag he had with him and pulled out a book. “Right now, I’m reading ‘Tell Me That You Love Me, Junie Moon’. I don’t know yet if I like it. It’s about mental illness and that can be upsetting to read about.”

“Is it anything like ‘Cuckoo’s Nest’? That book was intense, but it was really good. The movie was great, too.”

“I don’t think it’s very much like Kesey’s work, no. Though I agree, that was a very good book. Do you enjoy Kesey’s other work?”

“Yeah, some of it. I like all those people, though. Kesey, Kerouac—you know they were friends, right? Man, ‘On the Road’ is a crazy book, huh?”

So from there they talked about a whole host of books, analyzing what they liked and didn’t like. They debated different authors. Castiel, it turned out, was not a huge fan of Vonnegut, and Dean felt the need to defend him, so that led to a lively discussion that got them all the way until they had to stop for gas.

They grabbed lunch right after that, choosing to eat in the car so they could make the best time possible. Where he could, Dean took roads other than interstates. It would take slightly longer, but the trip would be infinitely more enjoyable. Castiel seemed to be enjoying the scenery and Dean had to admit, he enjoyed sneaking looks at Castiel, too.

“So, your brother is at Stanford, you said? That’s very impressive. He must have worked very hard.”

“Yeah, he did. He’s a good kid. He’s definitely the brains of the operation,” Dean admitted with a self-deprecating smile.

Castiel frowned. “That’s obviously not true, Dean.”

“Uh, the guy’s in Stanford and I’m sitting on a GED. Pretty sure it is.”

“The fact that he has a better education just makes him better educated, not smarter. The school system obviously failed you, but you are clearly very intelligent.”

“How do you figure?” Dean asked, unconvinced, but interested in Castiel’s rationale for saying it.

“Dean, you just spent several hours debating literary concepts with me. Literary concepts which other students in my Lit III class are struggling to grasp, let alone to try to debate about.”

Dean chewed his lip and said nothing for a while. No one had ever told him he was smart before, except Sam. And that was just a thing little brothers did, right? Complimented their big brothers? Dean was afraid to believe Castiel’s words, but they had a note of sincerity to them that rang true.

Finally, he felt he had to say _something_. “Um. I will keep that in mind, Cas. Thanks.”

When the silence went on too long, Castiel said, “Tell me about your brother, Dean.”

Sammy was a subject Dean could talk about for hours, too. The kid was brilliant and decent and hard working—and Dean was proud as hell of him. He kept his effusive praise to a minimum, though, only allowing himself to go on for about a half hour or so before changing the subject.

“So how about you? You got any other family or was it just you and your dad?”

“I have a brother, Gabriel. I don’t see him, but we talk sometimes. He left home a long time ago. He didn’t go to the funeral, but he did come by to see me beforehand. Other than that, I have a cousin named Balthazar whose familial connection I don’t fully understand.”

“Gabriel didn’t get along with your dad, huh? Yeah, Sam and Dad were like that for a long time too. They managed to make up before he died, though.”

“They never got along, not as long as I can remember. My father was a difficult man, as I believe I indicated before? And Gabriel was hellbent on rebellion.” Castiel stared into his lap and then murmured, “My mother was a big source of contention, too.”

“How so?”

Castiel’s head snapped up and then his shoulders drooped. “Shit. I didn’t really mean to bring that up. Do you mind if we don’t talk about it?”

“Whatever you want, man. This is a road trip not the Spanish Inquisition,” Dean told him with an easy smile. “Since you don’t wanna talk, you mind if we listen to some music for a while?”

“No, that would be nice,” Castiel told him.

Dean put on some Zeppelin, not as loud as he would have if he were alone, but loud enough. Castiel wasn’t singing along like Dean was, but his head occasionally moved with the music. When Dean saw him close his eyes and do a little neck bob to Ramble On, he realized just how much he’d enjoyed this trip so far. He was really glad that Castiel had signed on—and that he was the only one who had.

“Dean?” Castiel asked in the middle of the second tape of classic rock.

“Yeah, what’s up?” he asked, turning the music off.

“I know it’s silly and we’re trying to make time today, but I just saw an ad for this little roadside oddity place and—“

“That Adventure World thing? Man, I was just thinking that sounded like it could be fun. You wanna stop? I don’t mind.” Dean grinned. He’d been on plenty of road trips, but he’d never actually gotten to do much of the road trip stuff like stopping at places like that.

“Yes, let’s stop. We don’t have to stay long. It’s probably ridiculous, anyway.”

“Well, sure, but that’s half the fun, right? How far away is it?”

“It said five miles on the sign.”

“Okay, I better keep a lookout, then.”

In another minute or so, he spotted another sign, indicating he should take the next exit. It was supposed to be some sort of cross between a zoo and freak show, and it was probably going to be lame. Dean mainly just wanted a dumb souvenir to take to Sammy. That and he really wanted to see Castiel, who seemed like he’d never really gotten to cut loose, enjoying something completely ridiculous.

It cost two dollars each for them to get inside and Dean immediately thought it was worth every penny, just by the freaked out look on Castiel’s face when he saw the enormous tarantula that was wandering around the first “attraction.” They had built it a nice realistic world landscape to walk around in, so that it constantly looked like a giant spider had come out of the mountains to wreak havoc on the nearby towns and cities.

It was stupid, probably, and pointless, but it was actually kind of fun to watch the tarantula randomly make a toy car go flying by accident or knock over a building. Dean wasn't sure he wanted to know why the thing was moving around so much, but he saw there was food and water for it near the back of the exhibit, so he figured it wasn't anything bad.

The next thing was a room filled with clear tubes full of water. It was a mini aquarium, but the focus animal seemed to be a family of small turtles. Some of the tubes had obstacles that the turtles had to navigate and that was interesting, if kind of unnecessary. Dean watched in fascination as a wide-eyed Castiel put his hand on a tube so the turtle would come to investigate. He smiled for a while after that.

The next room was completely black, with fluorescent markings on the walls, lit only by black light. There were various bioluminescent things in glass cases around the room. Each one had labels written in fluorescent paint at the bottom, explaining what they were seeing. Dean walked over to one that appeared to be mushrooms growing on a log and laughed at what he read.

“This one says it’s smut. I like smut,” he teased.

“It does not. Let me see.”

Dean didn’t move out of the way however. Instead, he read out, “‘Panellus stipticus, also known as bitter oyster, foxfire or glow wood, which is a member of the division Basidiomycota under which exist several types of glowing mushroom and many types of smut.’”

Castiel gave him a flat look. “So it doesn’t say it’s smut.”

“Shut up. You’re... smut.”

Dean turned his back on that case and walked to another case, this one containing a type of earthworm that left a pale blue trail of glowing slime. The next case contains fireflies, the one after that nightlight mushrooms and snails, and the last one had algae—which Dean had never known was a type of plankton.

“Plankton is what those whales eat, right?”

“I believe so, yes.”

“Did you know algae was a kind of plankton?”

“Are you loosely interpreting the sign again or actually reading it?” Dean couldn’t be offended when Cas had such a cute smile on his face to soften the blow. Dammit.

“If you’re going to mock me, I’m going back to hang out with the tarantula.”

Castiel chuckled. “My apologies, Dean. I will cease my mockery.” His smile said he might not keep his promise.

Dean rolled his eyes. “Are you going to come read the sign or what?”

So Castiel wandered over to read it. In the dark it was hard to judge distance and Castiel’s hand grazed the front of Dean’s pants. More specifically, the back of Castiel’s hand rubbed right across Dean’s denim-clad cock, in a way that made it immediately take interest. Castiel, obviously realizing what he had done, snatched his hand back like he’d burned it.

With wide eyes, he stammered, “Dean, I-I’m so sorry, I didn’t... I’m... sorry.” He turned his head and stared down at the sign.

Wanting to make Castiel feel at ease, even though he himself now felt like his whole body was aflame, Dean clapped him on the back. “Dude, it’s cool. Shit happens.” Dean pretended interest in the snails until his semi-erection had passed. Then they moved on to the next room.

This one had more glass cases imbedded in the walls, but these held rodents of various description. They each had their own little playground to live in. Castiel bent over to look in one case and gasped, motioning for Dean to come over. Dean bent down next to him and saw tiny baby mice burrowed up in the corner. He also caught a whiff of Castiel’s cologne, so he hastily stepped back with a smile plastered on his face.

“Wow, that’s really great!” he exclaimed as he moved to the opposite side of the room. He hoped it didn’t look as much like running as it felt like. Castiel didn’t seem to notice.

The final room played with perspective, so that cans appear to roll uphill and it felt like they were walking downhill even though it looked like they were walking uphill. It was the kind of thing they used to have at amusement parks when Dean was a kid - or at least from the one time he remembered going to an amusement park.

Neither he nor Castiel were particularly interested in it. When they walked out they were in a breezeway that led to a gift shop. The inside wall of the breezeway was actually lined with a large fish tank and held an assortment of clown loaches. Dean was impressed. Those guys were hard to keep alive, according to the boyfriend he’d had who raised them.

In the gift shop they had the standard plastic crap, along with one or two neat little items that were specific to Adventure World. He searched through the latter for something to bring Sammy, while Castiel investigated the T-shirts. Dean finally found a snow globe-type thing that had little spiders instead of snowflakes, falling on a miniature cityscape. Across the bottom, it read “Adventure World Arachnid Invasion.”

At the register, he bought himself a keychain as well, just because he thought he might like a reminder of this trip. It had been a lot of fun so far and it was only the first day. He waited by the door while Castiel bought himself a T-shirt and a shot glass and then they were off.

“I wouldn’t have pegged you for a shot-drinking guy, Cas,” Dean told him when they were back in the car.

“Oh, I’m not, not really. That’s for my friend Meg. She definitely is a shot-drinking person,” he said with a chuckle.

“Yeah? I might have to meet this Meg. She sounds like trouble.” Dean leaned closer to Cas and confided with a wink, “I like trouble.” Then he started the car and they were off again.

Dean didn’t feel like music again just yet. Instead, he tried to strike up a new conversation with Castiel. It didn’t go quite the way he’d hoped, though.

“That was pretty cool, huh? I mean, a little weird and that last thing was kinda lame, but the tarantula and the baby mice were cool.”

“And the smut?” Cas mocked with a smirk.

“You’re awfully lippy for a guy hitching a ride.” Dean smiled to let him know it was all in fun.

“Thank you for doing that with me, Dean. I—“ Castiel hesitated, but then rushed ahead. “I didn’t get to do many frivolous things as a child. It was nice to feel carefree for a few minutes.”

“Yeah, well, me neither, Cas. I didn’t get a whole lot of childhood myself, I mean. It was a nice break, right? Especially with everything going on lately.”

“For all his own capriciousness, my father was very set on teaching me about duty and responsibility. My early life was all about following orders. How about you?”

“Well, kind of the same thing, except for my dad, it was because making us follow orders made the rest easier on him, I think. When my mom died and left him with us, he was pretty broken. I mean it was hard for us, not having a mom, but I think in a lot of ways it was harder for him. Kids adjust, but Dad? Not so much.”

“I’m sorry you lost both your parents. That must have been very difficult.” Dean just shrugged. To his surprise, Castiel returned to the topic he had abandoned hours earlier. “My mother also broke my father, but to be honest, I don’t know how. He wouldn’t….” Cas trailed off and then turned away. “Gabriel and I know nothing about her, not even her maiden name.”

“Aw, man, that _sucks_. Do you remember her at all?”

“I remember her a little. Gabriel remembers her a bit better. He says her first name was Becky, but I don’t remember her as anything but ‘Mommy’. We don’t know what happened to her, whether she died or ran away or anything.” He turned back to look at Dean for a moment and Dean met sad blue eyes with his own. “It’s why I don’t like to talk about it.”

“I mean, there must be marriage records, right?” Dean suggested. “Some way that you could find out about her now that your dad is gone?”

“Sure, it’s possible. But we don’t know where we lived before he moved us to Elizabeth City and she didn’t come with us. Gabriel hadn’t started to school yet and I was only two.”

“Well, shit. Um, I don’t know if he can or not, but my brother’s really good at tracking people down? He took a class in it, but he was already pretty good. When Dad died, he tracked down a bunch of our other family, even though we really didn’t have much to go on.” Dean cleared his throat. “Anyway, I’m sure I could get him to look into it, if you want. Just so you can figure out what happened.”

Castiel stared at him for a long time. “Thank you, Dean. That is very kind. I... I will think about it, all right?” He rubbed his thigh nervously. “Could we, um, talk about something else now?”

“Yeah, no problem, man. Ask me whatever and I’ll tell you.”

Cas hesitated for only about three seconds before he asked, “How did Lisa cause you to lose your job and your apartment?”

Dean sighed and then laughed. “It would be that, wouldn’t it?”

“I’m sorry. You don’t have to - “

“Nah, it’s fine. I said ask me whatever, right? Um, long story short, she was my girlfriend. She thought I cheated on her—even though I’ve never cheated in my life and never would—and we were living together, which meant I lost my apartment.”

“And the job?”

“Well, we worked together and according to the company agreement we signed, in the event of a break-up, if parties cannot work together amicably, the newest hire would be let go. She told them she couldn’t work with me and I got the boot.”

“Why did she think you cheated on her?”

“She found underwear in the apartment, underwear that wasn’t hers. I don’t know who it belonged to, how it got to our apartment, or even where she found it. I just know I had nothing to do with taking it off the person they belonged to.”

“How long had you been together?”

“A while. A couple years, maybe?”

“It is unfortunate that after knowing you for so long, she didn’t know you well enough to believe in your loyalty.”

“Yeah. To be honest, I didn’t try that hard to convince her, partly for that reason. Like, she should have known I wouldn’t. I told her I didn’t know anything about them and it wasn’t like there were a lot of times when it could have happened, anyway. But she didn’t believe me and so I figured it might be time to bail out.”

“So it was mutual?”

Dean laughed at that. “Oh, no. She definitely threw my things off the balcony. I just probably could have worked harder to convince her and I chose not to. Didn’t feel worth the effort, I guess.”

”You weren’t happy in the relationship even before this.” It wasn’t a question.

“Not really, no. I hadn’t admitted it to myself yet, but once the argument started, I had a moment of clarity.”

“Well, I am sorry it all had to end so dramatically. There were better ways it could have resolved.”

“Yeah... but, hey! I get an awesome road trip with a new friend out of it, right?” He smacked the back of his hand against Castiel’s thigh and grinned. “Plus I get to see my baby brother and that’s always a good thing.”

“You think of us as friends already? I’m glad,” Castiel told him, obviously touched.

“Dude, once you’ve looked at smut together, you’re totally friends.”

Cas snorted and yeah, okay, that was kinda hilarious. Dean just grinned.

“So, what are you studying to be, anyway?”

“A psychologist.”

“You want to be a counselor. For those kids, right?”

Castiel looked at him, surprised. “Actually, yes.”

“Man, that’s what I always thought I’d have liked to do, if I could’ve gone to college. Do something with kids like that. That’s awesome, dude, really.”

“Is that something you wanted? College?”

“It was never in the cards for me. I mean, high school was bad enough.”

“College is a completely different experience. For the most part, students are there because they want to be, and teachers treat you like an adult. The professor is not an underpaid, overworked state employee who fell into the job because they didn’t know what else to do.”

“Yeah, I guess. That’s what Sammy says too. There’s still the issue of tuition, though. Sammy got a full ride, so he didn’t have to worry about it.”

“Not eligible for student loans? There’s always financial aid, of course.”

“Ha, no to the student loans. One of my exes screwed my credit and I wouldn’t want that, anyway. I might try financial aid.” He wouldn’t, but he wanted to drop the subject. “So how much longer do you have?”

“I only have to go one more year to get a BA, but I am considering staying in and getting my MA. I’d work in the meantime, take classes at night, probably.”

“Oh, wow, okay. Well, we better get you to Cali on time, then. Don’t worry,” he assured Cas with a smile. “We will.” He had a sudden thought. “Uh, how will they even know you’ve done it?”

Castiel groaned. “I have to make a video of it and they want me to get someone from their San Francisco branch to meet with me to prove I was really in California.”

“That’s really... well, sorry, man, no offense to your dad, but that’s fucking shitty.”

To Dean’s surprise, he got another laugh from Castiel. “Yes, Dean. It is.” He grabbed a bottle of water from his bag and offered one to Dean.

“I was actually thinking I might stop and get some coffee.”

“We may as well stop and get food, then. It’s basically dinner time, right?”

“Now that you mention it, I am kinda hungry. Of course, I’m always hungry, so I don’t always know when I should be,” Dean admitted with a laugh.

“So, are you going to stay in California? You said in the ad it was a one way trip.”

“Well, for a while, anyway. Gonna room with Sammy till I can get on my feet and after that, I might head back to North Carolina. I don’t know. I got friends there, but also bad memories, you know?”

“I understand.” He pointed at a sign up ahead. “Does that place look good to you?”

It was a family style place that advertised homemade pecan pie and hand churned ice cream.

“Cas, that looks like the _perfect_ place. We’ll have to sit down and eat, but that’s cool. I’ll be able to drive longer with a break and some coffee.”

So they pulled off at the next exit and had a nice meal. It was one of the best Dean had had in a while and not just because the food was good. Cas seemed to be in a joking mood and they teased each other all through dinner. The pie and ice cream were every bit as delicious as advertised and Dean got a second slice and another coffee to go.

As Dean had predicted, he was able to drive several more hours after that. When he was ready to call it a day, they found a cheap motel and pulled in. Castiel said he was going to get two rooms, but Dean tried to dissuade him. He still felt a little guilty letting Cas pay for all the gas and motels—even if he was paying for the food—and he didn’t want the guy to get an extra room when one room with two beds would do.

Castiel insisted he would get two singles, but it was not to be. There was only one room left—thankfully a double—and so that was what he had to get. He hadn’t even bothered trying to get Dean to go somewhere else. Dean didn’t know if he just seemed that tired or if Cas knew he’d refuse because he didn’t see the point in two rooms. He supposed it didn’t matter.

They unloaded the important bags into the room and Dean offered Castiel the first shower. He declined, saying he wanted to call Meg before it got any later. So Dean hopped in the bathroom and got the water running as he undressed. Just as he finished taking his underwear off, there was a knock at the door. He wrapped a towel around his waist and opened it.

Castiel, apparently expecting to have to yell through the door, was actually leaning against it when Dean opened it inward. Cas fell against Dean, bringing their faces within millimeters of each other. For a heartbeat, Dean could swear either Castiel was about to kiss him or he was about to kiss Castiel. Then Cas was scrambling away, accidentally brushing Dean’s dick—again—and nearly knocking his towel off in the process.

“I was going down to vending and I wanted to see if you wanted anything,” he called over his shoulder as he hurried toward the door. “Do you, um, need anything?” he asked without looking back. Dean could see the red flush even from the back.

 _You to come back here and touch me again._ “No, Cas, I’m good. Thanks, though.” Dean wanted to say something reassuring to reduce the tension that was now practically visible in the room, but instead he just went back into the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How are you, lovelies? Form an orderly queue. ♥ ~~I started to tell you up top that there was smut in this chapter, but I thought with that many people likely to throw things, some might actually hit me ;)~~


	3. Gay Macarena

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The traveling companions have a frank discussion and wind up at a toy store.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, though, did no one get my brush with the divine joke from the last chapter? That's comedy gold, people.

Dean didn’t linger in the shower, but he did take care of his sexual frustration and he did use images of his traveling companion to do it with. Images and the memory of those fingers sliding across his cock. Of course, in his fantasy, it was on purpose and much more firmly done.

When he got back out, Castiel was sitting stretched out on his bed with his eyes closed, leaning back against the headboard. He had earbuds in his ears, but Dean was reasonably sure he wasn’t actually listening to music. He was pretty certain the headphones actually needed to be plugged in for that to work.

He called, “Cas!” and swatted Cas’ foot as he walked past to sit on his bed. Castiel jumped and the hand that was lying under the earbud cord flew up in the air. That caused the plug of his headphones to smack him squarely in the chest.

Dean smirked, cocking an eyebrow at the plug before locking eyes with Cas. Castiel glared down at the plug before removing the buds, obviously even more embarrassed now than he had been. He didn’t meet Dean’s eyes again.

“Dude, look, what happened back there is no big deal. This road trip is gonna suck if we start getting awkward and weird over little shit, ok? It’s not a thing. Let’s not make it one.”

“But I touched your-your….” Castiel tried to protest.

“I’m well aware of what you touched, Cas,” Dean told him, allowing a little exasperation to seep into his tone. “And yet,” he added, a little more kindly, “I still live and breathe, as do you. So let it go.”

Cas nodded, at least pretending to be convinced. Then he sighed and put his earbuds and ipod on the bedside table, along with his wallet and phone. Dean saw neither snacks, drinks nor wrappers anywhere. He wondered if the dude had even gone to the vending machines after what happened.

Before Castiel could get his shoes off, Dean asked him, “Dude, you didn’t even go to vending, did you?” One look at his face and Dean could tell the answer was no, he hadn’t gone. “All right, let’s go. Come on.”

“What? No, I’m not—I don’t need anything now. I... lost my appetite.”

Dean sighed. “Man, you know what? Let’s walk up to that convenience store, ok? The snacks will be cheaper and it’ll give us a chance for some fresh air. We can get drinks for tomorrow, too.”

Castiel looked at him with concern. “Aren’t you tired?”

“Tired, yeah. Sleepy, no. And since tomorrow is gonna be a short day, there’s no reason to get up so early.”

Cas nodded again. “Ok. Yeah, let’s go. Do you have the room key?” Dean grabbed it and his wallet and they were off.

They were away from any major cities, so the stars were pretty bright. They took turns pointing out constellations as they walked, which served to lighten the tension even more. They kept a couple of feet between them, which also helped. In only a few minutes, they’d made it to the brightly lit shop and they split up to grab their items.

Dean grabbed a twelve pack of sodas and a styrofoam cooler with a plastic handle to keep the drinks in. He’d get ice at the motel. He also got a few road snacks to help with the boredom and to keep from having to stop as often for food. He waved Cas over with his items, so Dean could pay for everything.

Castiel tried to protest, but Dean reminded him he was paying for the food. Cas had also found two giant coffee mugs with small bottoms that would fit in the cup holders. Dean didn’t mind paying for those, either, since they were food-related.

When the cashier got to the mugs, he told them, “When you buy these, you can fill them up with anything at any of our locations for a dollar.” He gave them a sleepy but friendly smile.

“Wow, cool, thanks for telling us. Nice choice, Cas!”

“You boys have a nice night, now,” the clerk said as they left.

No more than twenty minutes later they were back in the room, lying in their beds with the lights out. Dean was exhausted, but he still wasn’t sleepy, so he was just staring at the ceiling, trying to think of happy, boring things. He was pretty sure Cas was awake too, but he didn’t look over to check, not even when he heard the springs creak as Cas shifted restlessly.

Suddenly, Castiel’s voice came out of the semi-dark. “Why weren’t you freaked out?”

Dean sighed. “Dude, are you talking about the thing again?”

“Yes. If it had been me, I think I would’ve freaked out. And I’m not even….” He trailed off, leaving Dean with no clue what he meant.

“You’re not even… what?” Dean prompted.

“It’s nothing, it doesn’t matter.”

Suddenly, Dean had a suspicion of what it might be. Dean decided to be bold. If he was wrong about Cas and he was actually a raging homophobe, then Dean would leave him alone in this motel room to find his own way to Cali.

“Well, I don’t know if you think I should just be freaked that someone accidentally touched my dick or if you think it should freak me out that the someone was a guy, but it’s simple. If I thought you were deliberately groping me without permission, I’d have freaked out, regardless of your gender.”

He finally looked over at Castiel, to find him staring at the ceiling. He turned back, folding his hands behind his head.

“It was an accident, so there’s nothing to freak out about.” He cleared his throat and forged ahead. “And since I’m bisexual, gender’s not really a big deal, either.”

He saw Castiel’s head snap toward him, but he didn’t turn. He just lay there and waited for the reaction.

“You’re-oh.” Cas was quiet for another minute before he blurted, “‘I’m not even straight.’ That’s what I was going to say. I’m, uh, I’m gay.”

Dean smiled in the dark, relieved. “Okay, cool. You ready to sleep now?”

He could hear Cas smiling, too. “Yes, I think so. Goodnight.”

“’Night, Cas.”

Dean slept well and the next morning he woke up in a great mood. Castiel seemed more shy than he had been, but still in a good mood. Dean didn’t know if it was the accidental touch still bothering him or perhaps the midnight confessions, but he didn’t let it get to him. He’d bring Cas out of his shell again once they were rolling, he was almost certain of it.

The motel didn’t offer breakfast, but they’d used the in-room coffee pot to fill up their new mugs and Dean had gotten a box of danishes as one of his snacks the night before. They ate a couple of those as they packed up and got ready to go. The desk clerk did have a map of local tourist attractions for sale, so Dean got one of those, just in case they wanted to stop somewhere else. He handed the map to Cas as he got into the car.

“Check that out and see if there’s anywhere that looks cool enough to stop, would ya?”

Castiel quietly studied the map for several minutes while Dean navigated back onto the main highway and listened to music. Castiel had his head tilted to the side and his eyes narrowed in concentration. It was a thing Dean had noticed before and it was adorable. Dean forced his eyes back to the road and waited for Cas to say something.

“Well, there is a dinosaur park of some kind and then there is an Australian-themed park with animals. Those are both only about twenty minutes away.”

“Whaddya say, Cas? You wanna see a kangaroo, mate?” His accent was terrible and he knew it, but that was kind of the point.

Castiel just grinned and rolled his eyes. “If you promise never to put on that voice again.”

It broke the ice between them again, as Dean had hoped and they drove on, once again exchanging easy conversation. It didn’t take them long to reach the park. They entered through the gift shop.

They’d decided not to stay too long at the park, but once the cashier talked about the attractions, they signed up for a didgeridoo-making class. It turned out to be for kids—and the kids turned out to be way better at it than either Dean or Cas—but they had fun, anyway.

They gave the horns they made to two kids they met on the walk who were lamenting having missed the class. The parents were grateful and tried to pay them, but Dean and Castiel just waved them off with a smile.

They fed tiny birds and petted a baby kangaroo’s belly and opted not to walk through the cave tour. Then they bought another couple of stupid souvenirs. For Cas that was another T-shirt—because it turned out he collected weird shirts to wear to bed—and another shot glass for Meg. For Dean it was a wind-up kangaroo with a baby that popped up out of the pouch every few hops for Sam and another keychain for himself.

Castiel had found another more scenic place to stop and figured they’d get there shortly after lunch. This one was more of a hiking trail, natural phenomena kind of spot, but Dean was interested anyway. They spent the rest of the morning having a lively debate about the merits of Stephen King versus Clive Barker versus Dean Koontz.

When Dean’s argument devolved into “Besides, Koontz has the best name!” Castiel called a truce. Then they grabbed lunch on the fly and ate it in the car. Dean got him talking about the youth center instead and that got them all the way to the next stopover, a place called Elephant Rocks.

There was no gift shop at this one and while Dean and Cas both found it beautiful, neither felt like lingering too long. They spent half an hour and then got back on the road. For Dean’s part, it had felt too much like the kind of place you go with a lover and it made him both lonely and more aware of his attraction for his traveling companion.

There was silence for a while on the drive after that and evidently, Castiel’s mind was running along the same lines as his own, if the way he broke the quiet was any indication.

“So, you’re bisexual? Is that difficult?”

Dean laughed. “Well, it doesn't come with an instruction manual, that’s for sure. It isn’t rocket science, though. I’m honest about it with everyone I date and they can either accept it or they can’t.” He shrugged. “Some people think it means I’m gonna cheat on them, like I’ve got some sort of gender quota I have to meet,” he said, laughing again.

Castiel was smirking. “I’m sure being bisexual makes you a cheater the same way being straight makes someone monogamous.”

“Exactly!” He shook his head. “Man, I’m glad you get it. Lisa never thought I was gonna leave her for a guy, at least, but apparently she still thought... whatever, I’m having too good a day to talk about her.” He glanced at Cas. “So, what about you? Is being gay difficult for you?”

“It was when my father was alive. Not so much now. I’m not a very social person, as you’ve no doubt gathered, so I don’t really date much.”

“Yeah, my dad never knew about me. He would not have been okay with it.” Dean shrugged again. “Wasn’t that important to me for him to know. Sam knows, though. He’s been great.”

“My brother also knows and Meg, too.”

Dean didn’t weigh his words before he spoke them. “Another reason I didn’t freak out is because I kinda liked it.”

Castiel’s, “Oh,” was almost inaudible. Then he asked quietly, “Does that mean you... find me attractive?” Dean wanted to believe his voice sounded hopeful, but he wasn’t sure.

Dean gave him a flirty smile, anyway. “Yeah, you could say that.”

Cas’ gummy smile was a sight to see. “Good. I, um... it’s mutual.”

They both grinned for a while in silence, letting the subject drop. Dean turned on the radio after a few minutes and let a variety of classic rock fill the car for the next hour or so. Castiel’s head bobbed to the music occasionally, or sometimes his leg or hand would bounce to it. Dean thought that was probably the cutest thing he’d seen in a long time—baby koala at Kentucky Down Under included.

His smile pretty much stayed on his face for a couple of hours. After he turned off the music, he brought up something he’d seen at one of their stops while Cas had been in the restroom. That led them back to talking about the stops they’d made and different things they’d liked - which were mostly the same things as each other.

They couldn’t stop as early as Dean had intended, because there weren’t any motels. They’d driven for about twelve hours the day before, with a few more hours being eaten up by stops. Today they’d only driven about ten and a half, but with the lengthy stops, they’d been on the road about the same amount of time before they finally found a place to spend the night.

Castiel hadn’t been in the motel office long before he came back out to the door, around to Dean’s side.

“They only have one nonsmoking room left and it’s a single with a king. I didn’t want to presume you would be comfortable with that, even if all we are doing is sleeping.”

“It’s fine, Cas.” Dean grinned. “Too tired to get up to anything, so your virtue is safe.”

Cas scoffed and rolled his eyes, walking back inside to rent the room. It took a lot longer for him to come back out the second time and Dean actually dozed off waiting. He jerked awake at the sound of the door opening. He could tell by the scowl on Castiel’s face that something unpleasant happened.

“Everything okay?”

“Other than the fact that the clerk was both completely incompetent and a stupid homophobe, everything is fine.”

Dean assumed fighting stance and put his hand on the door. “Did he say something?”

Cas sighed, “No, it wasn’t like that, he just made some comment about how—” Cas put on a terrible Southern accent. “—I couldn’t room up with no other dude like that. You just don’t know who’s gay. Y’all must trust each other a lot.” Castiel shuddered. “Ugh, what an imbecile.”

Dean relaxed. He peered inside at the clerk in question. Then he commented snarkily, “Yeah, like dudes are breaking down his door wanting a piece.” He snorted and rolled his eyes as he started the car and drove around to the room number Cas told him.

They got everything brought in and once again, Cas told Dean he could have the bathroom first. He apparently preferred morning showers. Dean grabbed a change of clothes and headed toward the bathroom door.

He couldn’t resist turning around as he started to step through it and saying, “Just FYI, I don’t want anything from vending, but if you wanna knock on the door so you can grab my dick again, I’m totally okay with that.” He grinned and winked as he walked in and shut the door behind him.

He had expected the look of shock that passed over Cas’ face when he’s said it. What he hadn’t expected was the knock on the door only seconds after he closed it. Now the looked of shock was on his own face. He snatched open the door with wide eyes.

“I don’t generally grab a guy’s dick a second time unless I’ve kissed him first,” Castiel told him with a smirk as he leaned against the door jam.

Dean’s face relaxed into a small smile. “Yeah? Well, I guess I should kiss you then, huh?”

To be fair, Dean thought, Cas came forward so fast as Dean leaned in that, really, they kissed each other. He didn’t think Castiel minded any more than he did himself. Cas had the greatest mouth probably _ever_. Dean had noticed it was sexy, but he hadn’t really realized how sexy it would feel. He quickly found that the answer was “amazingly sexy.”

Tongues quickly got involved and then hands were roaming everywhere. When things were starting to get heated—because there was a serious passion there Dean hadn’t expected—Castiel pulled back abruptly. Dean blinked his eyes open as they stood there panting in the tiny room.

“You think there’s room in the shower for me?” Cas asked breathlessly as he leaned forward again to nip at Dean’s jaw. “Unless you’ve got lube and condoms,” he explained, “I think soapy handjobs are going to have to do.”

Dean was too hazy to remember if he had packed anything like that, so he just nodded as he tilted his head back for Cas’ mouth. “Soapy handjobs sound good.”

He turned on the water and they stripped quickly. Dean drank in the sight of naked Castiel and Cas seemed to do the same. The guy was seriously well-toned and absolutely the hottest fucking guy Dean had seen in a long time.

“Wow, you’re….” Dean couldn’t find a word that adequately described Cas.

“Yeah,” Cas whispered as he came forward for a fully naked kiss. “So are you.”

They somehow made it under the spray without being able to see, since they didn’t stop kissing. Their mouths didn’t break apart while hands caressed and squeezed and stroked the miles of bare wet skin between them. Then Cas found the soap and started soaping Dean’s chest, while his tongue stayed firmly in Dean’s mouth, wreaking havoc with Dean’s ability to think.

Dean grabbed the small bar from Cas, broke it in half and handed Cas one piece. They soaped each other after that, avoiding sensitive areas for the moment. Then Castiel broke the kiss to suck one pert nipple into his mouth. Dean’s hips arched forward of their own volition and Cas took advantage of the proximity to touch Dean’s cock.

“Feels better hard and naked,” Cas murmured against his ear as he spread lather over the shaft. Dean wasn’t sure he could form words, though plenty of noises seemed to be escaping him.

Dean finally had the presence of mind to take Cas in hand, too. His cock was big and thick and his balls were heavy. Dean soaped them up before stroking Cas in earnest. He and Castiel stood there, kissing and stroking each other into oblivion and it was almost heaven. After a couple minutes, though, he realized the flaw in the plan. The cheap soap was starting to irritate his skin.

“Cas, wait,” he said, putting a hand on Castiel’s wrist to stop the motion of his hand. “The soap’s starting to burn.” He frowned as he pulled away from Cas and rinsed himself.

“That’s too bad,” Cas responded, shrugging as Dean rinsed the soap away.

Then he dropped to his knees and took Dean’s cock into his mouth and Dean was pretty sure he could smell sounds and taste colors. “Oh, _fuck_ ,” was his eloquent response as Cas sucked him down all the way. It was an embarrassingly short time before he had to warn Cas of his impending orgasm. Cas pulled off and stroked him through it, come splashing Castiel’s shoulder in the process.

Cas grinned broadly and washed it off as he pulled Dean in for another kiss. Dean kissed back, feeling warm and happy, but he wasn’t letting Cas off that easily. He used his hand again, making sure Castiel was still fully hard. Then Dean too dropped to his knees and showed off his skills at oral pleasure.

The noises Cas made as Dean swallowed him down were worth every twinge of pain in Dean’s knees. Dean cupped Cas’ balls and massaged them as he sucked at the thick shaft. He felt vindicated over his own quick orgasm when Cas quickly shoved him back and came without even a stroking hand.

“Fuck,” Cas told him with feeling as Dean stood back up for another kiss.

“Yeah, we will,” Dean assured him. “As soon as I get some lube and condoms.”

Castiel groaned at the terrible joke, but he was smiling against Dean’s mouth. They finished washing up rather quickly. When they were dry, Dean decided to skip getting dressed and just put his clothes back into his bag. He stopped and brushed his teeth while Cas collected and packed his dirty clothes. Also still naked, Cas brushed his own teeth while Dean climbed into bed.

Dean lay on his side with his head propped on his elbow, facing the empty side. When Cas came to bed, he shut off the single lamp and climbed under the covers, lying on his back on his own side. Dean was a little offended.

“Dude, you can’t give me head like that and not cuddle me after,” he told Cas grumpily.

Castiel whipped his head around, obviously surprised. “Oh, I thought... I didn’t think you’d want to.”

“Well, I do. Do you?”

Instead of answering, Cas rolled over away from Dean and then scooted backwards until he was nestled against him. Dean smiled and wrapped an arm around him, pulling him close. He kissed Cas’ neck below his ear, mainly to get him to squirm. When his cock reacted, he decided not to do that again.

“Goodnight, Cas,” he whispered directly into Castiel’s ear.

Cas shivered. “’Night, Dean,” he murmured.

The next morning, Dean couldn't remember a time when he'd fallen asleep so quickly. While Cas took a shower, Dean contemplated their route and speed. They had made it almost to Kansas City the night before. Dean figured they might get as far as Denver if they kept stopping the way they had been. He didn’t really care too much how soon he got there, as long as Castiel made his deadline.

They had made really good time already and he wasn’t sure he could handle another full day in the car. He thought the nine hours’ drive to Denver was about as far as he wanted to go. If they didn’t make it that far, that was fine too. He ran it past Cas when he got out of the shower, though.

“Wow, we’re really a lot further along than I expected. It’s not taking nearly as long as you said.”

Dean scratched his head. “Yeah, well, to be honest, I half expected you to drive me crazy enough that I’d need to get back to the motels faster. I didn’t really expect to enjoy the driving and cover so much ground the first day.”

“And then we went further than you wanted yesterday,” Cas added.

“Yup. So, if you’re cool with the pace, I’m not going to bust my ass to get to Denver tonight. If we make it, great. But if we see places and want to stop, also great.”

Cas nodded. “I’m really enjoying the trip more than I expected too, Dean.” He blushed a very pretty pink that made Dean smile. “I don’t just mean the sex, but that too.”

Dean’s grin grew a couple of inches, if the pain in his cheeks meant anything. “Yeah, Cas, same here.” He knew there was probably a gleam in his eye when he said, “Which reminds me, I gotta remember to get lube and condoms today.”

A few hours into the trip, Dean was craving a drink that wasn’t coffee, as well as some real food instead of the packaged crap they’d had for breakfast again. He finally saw one of the chain stores that meant they could get their mugs refilled for free. It also had a restaurant attached. He pulled up at the gas pump to fill up and then saw Cas waving at him from inside the car.

“What’s up, Cas?”

Castiel was grinning wickedly and then he pointed behind Dean. It took Dean a minute, but he finally saw it. A large sign, indicating a “XXX Adult SuperStore” was only a mile up the road. “After lunch, we are going there.”

Dean groaned and rolled his eyes, but he was grinning too. Who knew? It might be fun. Besides, they could easily get lube and condoms there, without some drugstore sales clerk looking at them all judgmental. So after a quick lunch—which Dean would swear Cas ate twice as fast as he normally did—they packed back in the car and headed in the direction indicated by the sign.

The place was a converted warehouse and the lot was full of truckers. Dean parked well away from everyone else and locked up the car tight. He could tell Cas was positively giddy and he couldn’t say he understood why.

“Dude, you act like you’ve never been in a porn store before.”

Cas slanted him a look, then looked away. “I haven’t.”

“You—seriously?”

Cas shrugged. “I had a very religious upbringing. Since then I haven’t had the opportunity.”

Dean could only laugh at the thunderstruck look on Cas’ face when they walked inside. He was trying to look everywhere at once, craning around to look at the displays as they passed.

“All right, we’ll start on that side. We’ll skip the porn and just stick with the toys. There should be plenty enough there to keep us occupied.” Dean grinned and tugged at Cas’s sleeve to move him toward the far wall.

“What are you even supposed to do with—“ Cas broke off as he pulled an item from the wall. Dean’s eyes widened and he laughed. Leave it to Cas to find the cock cage right off the bat.

“People put their dicks in there.” Dean lifted and dropped one shoulder. “Apparently they like the pain when they get a hard-on while wearing it. Don’t get it myself.”

Cas shuddered and put it hurriedly back on the wall. “Ugh, no thank you.” Then he picked up a long thin cylinder, meant for entering the urethra.

“Man, apparently they put the freakiest stuff right up front. That goes inside. It’s called, uh, sounding, I think?”

“Inside what?” Cas asked, perplexed.

Dean closed his eyes and breathed out. “Inside the hole in your—“

“Oh, my God!” Cas exclaimed, literally dropping it back into the box he’d found it in.

Dean had to laugh. “Come on, let’s find another section. I think this one is a little too kinky for us.”

Next up they stumbled on the dildos. Apparently in keeping with “freakiest up front”, all the largest and most unusual of the toys were at the beginning of the section. For the next fifteen to twenty minutes, he and Cas took turns trying to outdo each other with the toys they found to point out. First, Cas found one shaped like a steam engine, while Dean showed off a giant, double-ended toy nearly as thick as Cas’ thigh.

“All aboard, I guess,” was Dean’s response.

“God, it would be like giving birth in reverse!” was Castiel’s.

Dean was declared the winner.

Dean’s next find was another over-sized one, this time with a heart-shaped head that had a smiling face imprinted on it. Cas won that round with one called “The Four Horsemen”, which was literally a dildo with four horse heads where the normal cock head should be.

“It’s like world’s most awkward game of chess.” Dean shuddered. “Going in would be bad enough, but just think about it coming out!”

Cas replied that he’d rather not.

Next, Cas found a translucent one that lit up in an array of colors and Dean found one that you could fill with lube for “realistic ejaculation.” Once they found the one with the spikes on it, they decided to give up and move further down the aisle. After that they started getting into the more traditional shapes and sizes.

“How would you feel about this one?” Cas asked, holding up a realistic dildo, slightly larger than Cas’ actual cock. They hadn’t talked about this kind of toy use, but Dean’s mouth went dry and he felt a stir below his waist.

“I’d be okay with that.” He didn’t look at Cas as he said it.

“Or how about this one?” This toy was larger than the other, with a nub on one side that Cas said was a “P-spot stimulator.”

“O-okay. Yeah. That would be all right,” Dean said, swallowing back his nerves, since he knew they were at least seventy-five percent excitement. He still couldn’t look at Cas when he answered.

“No,” Cas said very excitedly. “This is definitely the one.” This one was more than twice the width of the first one, quite a bit longer than either of them and hot pink. Dean’s eyes flew to Cas’ face, but he looked absolutely serious. Dean blinked, unable to speak.

Without altering his expression, Cas reached over to the dildo with the hand not holding it and pressed a button. Tinny strains of “Macarena” started playing and the dildo started wiggling. Dean’s eyes bugged out and then Cas was doubled over laughing.

“You should have seen your _face_ , Dean!”

Dean tried to be mad, but in the face of Cas’ glee, he just couldn’t be upset. It had been a really good joke, there was no denying it.

They ended up with the original dildo Cas had picked out and a few other items, including two containers of lube and a big box of condoms. When they got back to the car, Cas was smiling. He pulled Dean in for a kiss before he could start the car.

“Thanks for that. I can’t remember when I’ve had so much fun.”

“I don’t know,” Dean countered. “Last night in the shower was pretty good too.”

Cas kissed him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments are making me a very happy Dimps, indeed, so please do keep them coming! ♥♥


	4. Take a walk on the wild side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots and lots of new relationship road trip sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, tomorrow, in honor of Misha Collins 41st birthday, I will be running a [.99 sale](http://jamiedeanwrites.com/2015/08/19/book-sale/) on my second novel, on both Amazon and Amazon UK. Get the details from the link.
> 
> I have a toothache and I hate everything except you lovely people.

When they checked into the motel that night, the excitement was evident on Cas’ face as they put their things down in the room. They’d spent the whole day in the car with their toys and the anticipation for the night had been building up all that time. As he looked at Cas, though, Dean came to the realization that he didn’t really want to play with the toys tonight. He really just wanted Cas.

As Cas set his bag down on the table beside the TV, Dean reached out for him. “Hey, c’mere, Cas,” he said softly. The blue eyes were questioning until Dean’s hands wrapped around his waist to pull him closer. “Been wanting to do this all day,” Dean confessed as he leaned forward and drew Cas into a kiss.

There was nothing rushed about the kiss. Warm lips pressed against his, soft and pliant. The tip of Cas’ tongue slipped out and into Dean’s mouth, where it languidly stroked Dean’s own. Cas’ hands slid up and one went into his hair while the other wrapped around his shoulder, pulling them closer together still.

After several minutes, when the proximity of their hips made it evident that both men were rock hard, Dean pulled back to take a breath.

He panted harshly as he asked, “Do you mind if we wait to use the toys? I just….” He stopped and leaned his forehead against Castiel’s, staring at his nose instead of those piercing blue eyes. “Tonight, I just want to be with you.”

Dean lifted his gaze and found that Cas was smiling, blue eyes squinting and crinkled at the corners.

“I’d like that, too, I think.” He turned toward the bathroom, pulling Dean with him by the hand. “Of course, we can always use the toys during round two,” he teased over his shoulder.

Considering they stopped to kiss and pet all over each other every three-point-five seconds, they took a relatively quick shower together. They hastily dried off and kissed their way into the bedroom. Cas steered them to the bag to get the lube and condoms, then Dean pulled Cas down on top of him as he flopped backwards on the bed.

Cas let out a startled “Oof!” The condoms and lube landed somewhere near Dean’s head, crushed under the weight of Castiel’s hand. “Does this mean I get to be on top?” Cas asked with a chuckle.

“Mmm, sounds good to me. Don’t care. I’m good either way.” He punctuated each statement with a kiss somewhere new on Cas’ face.

Castiel’s eyes darkened and he licked his lips. “I bet you are,” he whispered huskily before going in for a deep and hungry kiss that was nothing like the slow one they’d shared earlier. It was a frenzied meeting of mouths and tongues that lasted for an intense couple of minutes. He pulled away momentarily to bite Dean’s lower lip and suckle it, then dove right back in with his tongue again.

Dean could feel Castiel’s cock somewhere close to his own, as they rutted mindlessly, driven by the passion of the kiss. Hands were everywhere—kneading, stroking, clutching. His leg was pulled up and out, exposing him as Cas rolled slightly to the other side. The kissing didn’t even pause and Dean barely registered the sound when Cas opened the lube.

Then there was a cold, slick thumb teasing his hole, rubbing in small circles. His cock twitched in pleasure. Cas shifted so that their cocks were brushing against each other with every roll of his hips. Dean was dimly aware that an index finger had breached the ring of muscle and slid inside, but his brain was overloaded with sensations at the moment.

With painstaking slowness, Castiel worked him open. His fingers were every bit as gentle as his lips and tongue were rough. Then Cas moved his mouth away from Dean’s to explore the rest of his face, his neck and his ears. Dean let out little whimpers and pants that might have embarrassed him if he hadn’t been so far beyond rational thought.

“Do you have any idea what you do to me, Dean?” Cas murmured beside his ear and he sucked the lobe into his mouth.

“If it’s... shit... if it’s half as nice as what you do to... ah... to me... then... fuck, it’s so good!” Dean exclaimed breathlessly, losing his train of thought at some point—around the time Cas added another finger—and not really realizing it. Castiel chuckled against his neck and that just made him spiral higher.

He was drifting in a haze of pleasure, not quite close enough to orgasm, but remaining blissfully near the edge. He heard a new sound, but he paid it no attention. It was repeated and it was only when he felt Cas grip his cock that he realized it was to roll on a condom. Castiel gave him several long, slow strokes with a strong grip and he went back out of conscious thought.

The new sensation against his hole was little more than that until Cas’ cock head was suddenly inside him. He gasped and his eyes went wide. It had been a long time. It burned, but it felt so good. Dean locked eyes with Cas as the blue-eyed man slid inside him. He saw the lust that glazed Castiel’s expression and knew it was mirrored in his own.

Then Cas was all the way inside and starting to move. His cock felt huge and hot in Dean’s ass and Dean craved more of it. He shifted slightly and that suddenly brought the head in contact with the area above his prostate. His whole body went rigid for a moment as his pleasure center overloaded.

“Oh, fuck, Cas. Do that again, _please_ ,” he begged shamelessly. Cas obliged, but this time, he pulled almost all the way out before driving in again, hard and fast. Dean cried out. “Yes! Fuck, like that, Cas.”

Cas bent his head down and kissed Dean again. This time the kiss was slow and gentle while his thrusts were rough and quick. It drove Dean even crazier than he already had been. He couldn’t think or even move to meet Cas’ thrusts. He could only lie there, drowning in sensation. When Cas reached down and grabbed his cock again, Dean’s moan was muffled by Castiel’s mouth.

Then he started to come and his head went back, jerking him out of the kiss. Cas deliberately shortened his strokes, bringing the head of his cock over Dean’s prostate again and again. Dean’s shout of ecstasy was nearly a scream, so intense was the orgasm.

Watching him get off was apparently what did it for Castiel because when Dean came back from the temporary white out, Cas was lying on top of him, pressing kisses to his neck and breathing hard. “Was fucking amazing,” Cas whispered in a rough voice.

Dean opened his eyes and looked at him, combing a hand back through damp, dark hair. He pulled Cas to him in a passionate but tender kiss. “You’re fucking amazing,” Dean corrected fiercely. Then he kissed him again.

When the kiss was over, Cas pulled off their condoms and tossed them into the trash can. Then he turned off the lamp and drew Dean to him, holding him close until they fell asleep. Dean woke briefly in the night to find they were still tangled together, arms and legs wrapped around each other like a puzzle. Dean smiled and went back to sleep.

The next time Dean woke up, Castiel was staring at him. “Sorry,” he hurriedly apologized. “It’s just that you’re... all your parts are incredibly well made,” he explained with a laugh.

Dean gave him a flirty grin. “Some parts more than others.” He bobbed his eyebrows up and down.

To his surprise and delight, Cas reached down and wrapped a hand around his morning wood. “You mean like this one?” he asked innocently before grinning himself. “I particularly like this one myself.”

Dean would have loved to have made a saucy comeback, but his brain was having trouble keeping track of anything except the amazing slide and twist of Castiel’s hand on his cock. Finally, when Cas let go for a second to get something from the nightstand, he gasped out, “Yeah, he likes you too.”

Cas offered him a breath mint and he took it. Cas let Dean suck on it for approximately two and a quarter seconds before drawing him in for a kiss that stole his breath and thoughts every bit as effectively as the handjob had done. The handjob which Cas resumed partway through the kiss.

Then Cas replaced his hand with his mouth and Dean wrapped his hand up in Castiel’s thick hair. As Cas bobbed up and down, sucking him slowly while occasionally teasing with his tongue, Dean gently massaged his scalp. Fingers pressed and squeezed his balls, massaged his taint, then skimmed his ass. When a lube-coated finger pressed into him, he moaned.

“Oh, fuck, Cas,” he whispered as his head fell back. Cas kept on sucking his cock at the same slow, steady pace and Cas’ fingers worked him open with the same rhythm. A single finger was replaced by two, then two by three. A short time later, Dean thought Cas might have all four fingers and his thumb in there, but he really wasn’t sure. All he knew was that everything felt amazing and he wanted more.

“More, Cas. Want you.”

“Don’t worry, Dean,” Cas told him, pressing a kiss to his inner thigh. “You’ll have me.” He felt a condom roll over his cock then. “But how do you feel about fucking me, while I fuck you back with this?” Cas was holding up the dildo they’d bought the day before.

Dean’s eyes widened and he nodded. It was a new idea for him, but he liked the sound of it. To be filled _and_ get to be inside Cas? That sounded amazing. If it wasn’t, they could always try something else.

Using an excess of lubricant, Cas slowly worked the toy inside Dean. It didn’t feel as good as Cas, but it felt good. Then Cas straddled his hips and slowly took Dean inside, apparently having prepped himself before Dean had even woken. He was tight and hot and there was his cock for Dean to grab hold of.

As Cas slid up and down on Dean’s cock, he reached a hand back and moved the toy in and out. It took him a few tries, but eventually he located Dean’s prostate and worked it over with the dildo.

Dean whined and bucked up into Cas, hard, then rocked back onto the toy. All the while his fist stroked Cas’ cock. Cas squirted a bit of lube into Dean’s hand and then his head fell back as he rode Dean.

“Fuck, you’re gorgeous like this,” Dean said as he took in the muscular torso, the long neck thrown back, and the sheer bliss on Cas’ sweaty face. He started fucking harder up into Cas then. Cas lost his grip on the dildo, but Dean didn’t mind. It still rocked into him with every downward roll of his hips.

Cas belated rolled his own condom on and Dean took the opportunity to grab both of his hips. He could really get better leverage now and he was far past wanting to go slow. He looked up into those piercing blue eyes.

“Jack yourself off while I fuck you, Cas. Make yourself come for me.”

Cas obliged, staring straight into Dean’s eyes as Dean pistoned in and out of him from below. The sight of Cas stroking himself and losing control drove Dean crazy. He bucked more and more wildly underneath Cas. He could tell by how fast Cas’ hand was moving and how ragged his breathing was that he was as close as Dean was.

“New plan,” he gasped out. “You ride me while I jerk you off.”

Cas dropped down toward him, so that he was on all fours. Then he rocked back on Dean, hard. Dean wrapped one hand around his cock and the other stayed gripping tightly to his hip. Now every time Cas drove back onto him, the dildo was driven in just slightly. It would slide out a bit when he came forward.

It was only a couple of minutes before Dean cried out, “Fuck, Cas, I’m gonna—“

“Use your hand faster! Me, too,” Cas growled above him.

And so it was that Dean experienced his first ever simultaneous orgasm with anyone. When his was over, Cas collapsed against his chest and kissed him soundly. Dean lay back in a haze of bliss, a light sheen of sweat covering his whole body. After a minute or two, though, he had to move. He didn’t mind the feel of Cas’ weight on top of him or even the heat. The dildo in his ass, on the other hand, was quickly becoming uncomfortable.

Cas protested grumpily—more than half asleep, Dean suspected—when Dean shifted him, but he let Dean roll away. Dean carefully extricated the toy and set it aside. Then he realized he really had to pee, so he got off the bed and took care of that. When he came back and saw Cas lying there, he couldn’t help stealing a few more minutes pressed against him, even though he supposed they needed to get on the road.

“Mmmm,” Cas murmured when Dean made himself the big spoon around Cas’ back. “Let’s stay here today, Dean. Can we?” He sat up slightly so that he could turn and look at Dean. “Wanna spend the day lazing around having amazing sex. Never have before. Would that be ok with you?”

Dean felt something tug inside him, nowhere near his arousal centers. He pulled Cas close again. “Yeah, Cas. That sounds awesome to me.”

So they spent almost the whole day in bed—or, at least, in the room—having sex or cuddling. They paused for a huge lunch at the diner nearby and then again for the delivery of a gigantic pizza - although they ended up with Dean eating toppings off Castiel’s naked torso, so he wasn’t sure if that counted as stopping to eat. It had resulted in the coining of the term “pine-ipples”, however, when Dean had eaten bits of pineapple off of Cas’ nipples.

After the post-pizza session, they both agreed it was time for a real break, so Dean ran out to the store and got a six-pack. They split it sitting on the bed, Dean against the headboard with Cas nestled with his back against Dean’s chest and his legs between Dean’s. They didn’t talk much. Mostly they just traded the occasional lazy kiss, while hands that weren’t holding beer roamed and petted.

Dean couldn’t say what Cas thought about, but he himself was thinking over how many kinks he’d learned he had during the day. Cas seemed to bring out the sexual deviant in him—and he couldn’t say he minded. The guy was gorgeous and seemed to have no shame whatsoever. Not to mention that his stamina and rebound capacity were both incredible.

Dean finished his beer and ran his hands up and down Cas’ sides, pressing a kiss under his ear. “Today was fantastic, Cas. I can’t remember a better one,” he told him honestly.

“Nor can I. It was very... educational,” Cas teased with a grin.

Dean laughed. “Oh, I definitely learned a few things,” he agreed.

“I’d love to teach you more, but I think you might have finally worn me out,” Cas admitted with a chuckle.

“Oh, really? That sounds like a challenge. Maybe I could teach you a few things instead,” Dean suggested, skimming his fingers up and over Cas’ nipples now. He laid kisses from Castiel’s ear down to his shoulder, then across to the other shoulder.

Cas gasped out, “I’m a willing student.” Then Dean changed from kissing to biting gently. Cas groaned. “On second thought,” he conceded, “I think I may have overestimated my fatigue.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TELL ME I'M PRETTY! -cries- ♥


	5. So groovy now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas get to know each other in ways that aren't biblical and ways that are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY BIRTHDAY MISHA COLLINS! ♥

The next morning, they woke early. The sky was overcast. Dean had woken up little spoon and he was a little more okay with that than maybe he should have been. He was not looking as forward to the end of this trip as he had been. The day spent in bed should have just been sexual, but somehow it hadn’t been.

After they had drunk their beer, the sex had changed. It stopped being about getting off and started being about exploration, body worship and intimacy. The first time had been just sex without the kinks. The next day had been mostly about the kinks. But the night had been about passion instead of lust.

It didn’t scare Dean like it should have. Or, like he thought it should have. He wasn’t exactly an intimate guy. He had few relationships in his past. Given that most of them turned out like the one with Lisa, that wasn’t so surprising. What he mostly did was he had plain old getting off sex that scratched an itch.

Something about Cas was so much different than Dean was used to. He brought out Dean’s wilder side, but apparently he also brought out a need to be tender that Dean previously had not even realized he possessed. Sending him back home to North Carolina was not going to be the easiest thing Dean had ever done. In fact, Dean was pretty sure that it was going to be a hell of a lot harder than breaking up with Lisa had been.

They had spent what little time they weren’t ravaging each other or sleeping lost in deep conversations. They’d traded stories about their pasts and they’d discussed their ideas on religion and politics and a host of other things Dean didn’t normally talk about.

Their driving goal that day was Elko, Nevada, so they needed to hit the road, but Dean found himself wanting to linger. He wanted to share breakfast across a table with Cas, instead of munching power bars next to each other in the front seat. He asked Cas about it as soon as he got out of the bathroom.

“So, quick breakfast or real breakfast? If we wanna make Elko by tonight, we should leave soon, but... my vote is real breakfast.”

Cas gave him a warm smile Dean wouldn’t mind seeing every day. “That sounds good to me, Dean. Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah, just gotta put your bag in the car and we can hit it.”

Less than ten minutes later, they were in a local cafe. There was a diner nearby, but both of them were hooked when they saw the sign advertising the cafe’s giant cinnamon rolls. Dean wasn’t sure it was “real” breakfast, but it was a damn sight closer than snack food on the road, anyway.

As they sipped coffee, Cas people-watched, though there weren’t that many people to watch so early in the morning. “It’s interesting to see what kind of people get up this early and have a breakfast outside their home.”

Dean only nodded, since he spied the waitress with their orders.

He gave her a smile and a wink as she set down his plate, then eyed the pastry to plot a plan of attack. When he determined it was too sticky for handling, he busied himself with cutting off a large piece.

"Do you flirt with everyone, male or female?" He hadn't noticed the waitress leaving, so he was a little surprised by Cas' question. There was nothing evident in Cas' voice except curiosity, so Dean thought he'd be honest instead of evading like he would have if there'd been jealousy.

"No, not everyone. I do tend to flirt with wait staff and cashiers, I guess. Mainly because I get better service, but also, they work pretty thankless jobs and why not brighten their day a little bit?" He sipped his coffee. "I mean, I do their job, so I know how much a smile and a wink can help a bad day, you know?"

Cas smiled at him, half gums, and Dean felt a little piece of himself fly out and attach itself to Cas in that moment. Because, yeah, Cas knew. Even though he was rich and always had been, he knew the value of a little kindness. And he looked at Dean like he knew the value of him, too. If Cas saw value there, maybe there was more value to see than Dean had believed.

"I think you're a nice man, Dean Winchester," Cas said at last. "A very nice man." He turned his full attention to his cinnamon bun.

Dean ate his too, but he watched Cas while he did. For the first time, he was actively glad he and Lisa had split up, exactly when they did. This trip was turning out so much better than he’d ever expected. He’d been running away from something that felt like rock bottom, but somehow he’d ended up higher than he could remember being.

When Cas looked up and caught him staring, Dean blushed, but he didn’t look away. He knew he was smiling and Cas gave him a bemused expression. His head leaned to the side in that peculiar way he had and he half-closed his eyes.

“Why are you staring at me like that and smiling? Do I have cinnamon bun icing all over my face?”

Dean shook his head. “Nope. Just glad you answered my ad, that’s all. Glad I’m here with you.”

The smile that Cas leveled at him now was even better than the first one. It caught Dean’s breath and made his heart pound, just a little bit. Those blue eyes lit up and crinkled and Dean thought he saw something like what he was feeling shining in them. Something warm and sweet and heady, a thousand times better than the cinnamon bun in front of him. He hoped his answering smile was half as bright.

“Me too, Dean. I expected this trip to be awkward at best. Or even awkward and sad. Instead, I seem to be having the time of my life.” He ducked his head self-consciously, but he was still smiling, in spite of the slight pink stain on his cheeks.

“Same here, Cas.” Those blue eyes popped back up to meet his, questioning. Apparently, whatever shone on Dean’s face reassured Cas because he didn’t hide again.

“I think I’m full, Dean. I’d like to get out to the car as soon as possible so that I can kiss you before we get on the road.” He grinned. “Then I’d like to hold your hand for a couple of hours and generally be a complete distraction while you drive.”

Dean stood up and grinned with a bob of his eyebrows, throwing some money on the table and downing his coffee before heading to the restroom. Cas followed closely on his heels and, seeing that no one else was in the men’s room, shoved Dean against the door to prevent further entry and kissed him soundly.

“I still want one in the car,” he informed Dean as he walked away to relieve himself.

Dean grinned on his way to the urinal. “Best road trip, ever,” he declared as he unzipped.

~~@~~

Back on the road, Cas was true to his word, holding Dean’s hand—off and on—for the first hundred and fifty miles or so. He was also, as predicted, quite distracting, but not in a dangerous way. He only backed off when Benny called to see how Dean was holding up. Dean mourned the loss of contact, so as soon as he hung up the phone, he grabbed Cas’ hand again.

“You seem so comfortable on the road,” Cas observed during a quiet stretch.

“I am.” Dean glanced at him and shrugged. “We spent a lot of time on the road when I was a kid.”

“After your mother died?” Cas guessed.

“Yeah.” He debated for a minute, then continued. “My dad couldn’t really hold down a job after that. So we’d have to move. After a while, it became habit, I think. We finally settled down in Shiloh just before Sam started high school, but that’s the longest we stayed anywhere.”

Cas seemed to contemplate Dean’s words for a little while before he said, “That seems like it would be an interesting but difficult way to grow up. I’m certain it had its benefits, but it really is no wonder you didn’t do well in school.”

Dean didn’t really talk about his past with anyone. He hadn’t really even discussed that kind of stuff with Lisa. He felt vindicated, knowing that Cas understood it so well. That it was both awful and awesome, growing up on the road. There was a freedom and adventure that other kids didn’t get, but there was also a lack of stability and inability to make friends that came along with it.

“Thanks for getting it, Cas.”

Dean got that gummy smile again. “Thank you for sharing with me, Dean.” His face grew more serious. “My own childhood was similarly good and bad. I had the best of everything because we had money, but my father was very strict. We were not allowed to have friends, really, because other people were a bad influence.”

“It seems strange that such a religious guy could also be so... what’s that word you keep using? Capricious? But I kinda get that. I mean, my dad was super strict, too, but he would get these whims and we’d be off doing something insane for a day or a week.”

“Yes! That is exactly how my father was. He took us to California once when we were little. A few years after, we came to North Carolina. No warning at all, we just got out of school and he drove us straight to the airport. He didn’t even pack us any bags, we just bought whatever we needed when we got there.”

“Sounds fun,” Dean told him, dubiously, somehow sure it hadn’t been.

“It does, doesn’t it?” Cas shook his head. “It wasn’t, though. Gabriel and I were both scared. Neither of us understood what was happening. The last time we’d been packed off like that, we never saw our mother again, so you can imagine we aren’t big on surprise trips like that.”

“It’s no wonder you put off scattering your dad’s ashes, dude.”

Cas gave him a sad smile. “No. I suppose it isn’t.”

“Of course,” Dean told him, smiling and hoping to improve the mood, “I’m pretty glad you did.”

He earned a decent smile for that. “So am I, Dean.”

They were making good time and probably would have made Elko with plenty of time to spare, but they saw a sign for a carnival. Cas, of course, had never been allowed to go to one and Dean hadn’t been in years. It was an easy decision to stop.

The whole process was a lot more expensive than Dean remembered, but then he hadn’t been the one paying back then—not that he was the one paying now. They paid to park and then to get their arm bands to get in—and then for a lot of other things. Because of their agreement, Cas would only let Dean pay for their food. Dean didn’t think this counted, but he didn’t argue. It was Cas’ money to spend as he chose.

They didn’t hold hands while walking around, but they did on every ride. Cas, it turned out, was a huge daredevil who loved the scarier death-defying rides, like the pirate ship that went vertical and the one that looked like an oil dyke gone horribly wrong that swung in all sorts of directions. Dean was too petrified to learn their names. Through it all, though, that hand gripping his, grounding him. It helped more than he’d have expected.

When Dean’s stomach could take no more, Cas decided games were in order. They each won the other a large stuffed animal. Dean’s from Cas was a tiger, while Cas, for some reason, was completely besotted with a giant bee and insisted Dean had to win it for him. At least it was at a dart game, which Dean was quite good at. If it had been milk bottle rings, they’d have been in trouble.

They ate the requisite foods to make them sick and went on a few more rides that aided the process. The final event was the ferris wheel, but Dean didn’t wait to reach the top before he kissed Cas. He did let them get about halfway up and away from prying eyes, though. He wasn’t huge on PDAs.

Once he thought about it, he kind of thought he could get that way with Cas, though. A small part of him wanted nothing more than to show Cas off. To walk around holding hands or with his arm around him or just a random kiss—all sorts of things to declare “Mine!” to the world at large.

It was then that he truly understood how fast and hard he was falling for his traveling companion. When Cas saw his smile and asked him what it was for, he could do nothing but shake his head, smile still firmly in place. It wasn’t the time to say anything. Given how the end of this trip was meant to go, he wasn’t sure any time would be. He just wanted to enjoy the moment.

They managed to get as far as Provo, Utah that night, which meant they’d only covered seven hours of travel, but neither of them minded. They should still arrive in plenty of time for Cas’ deadline and they were enjoying each other’s company.

They didn’t even get the toys—or most of their stuff—out of the car that night when they got to the motel. They’d held hands all the way from their parking space at the carnival to the motel parking lot. Dean had told Cas about his previous fair experiences and Cas had told Dean about his closest proximity—church festivals and fairs.

“I don’t know, I can see the appeal of those, too,” Dean had told him, trying to make Cas feel better about the things he missed out on. “I mean, they had some of the same stuff, right? Snacks and prizes and all that?”

“No, you’re right, they were fun enough, I suppose. I mean, they had games and rides, too, just obviously they had little that compared to a real fair like that one.” He looked less sad then.

“Well, you’ve been to one now! No longer does Castiel Novak have to pine for what he’s missed!” Dean had teased with a grin.

Cas had grinned back and kissed Dean’s hand. “Too true. That was great fun.”

“Besides, if you’d gotten to go all those years ago, you might not have enjoyed it as much tonight,” Dean had sobered and told him with a quick sideways glance.

“Do you think you enjoyed it less than I did?”

Dean had grinned again. “Nope.”

“I think experiencing it with you would have made it special, even if I’d been to a hundred of them before,” Cas admitted quietly.

Dean’s smile had felt too big for his face. He’d looked at Cas for an amount of time that wasn’t strictly safe while driving, but it felt necessary. Cas had looked back shyly at first, afraid of what Dean’s reaction might be. Dean’s smile had seemed to reassure him, though and he’d held Dean’s gaze.

“Me too,” Dean had agreed softly.

In the motel room, they couldn’t seem to stop touching, but it wasn’t the fevered passion of previous encounters. They were exploring, more than anything. Kisses were deep but slow. Gone was the fiery groping. In its place were languid hugs that happened to be sealed by kisses.

Even the shower was less about their dicks and more about holding on to each other. Dean knew it was too fast, but it didn’t _feel_ like too fast. It felt like the perfect amount of time. If anything, it felt like the road trip was going too fast. He wanted to slow time down and live in this moment for a while. He couldn’t remember feeling that before.

In the part of his brain that was still functioning, he reflected that this forced proximity meant he and Cas had gotten to know each other really well. He was sure there was some degree of forced politeness, but he couldn’t really think of a time when Cas had done something irritating and he’d held his tongue. Maybe Cas didn’t feel the same, but Dean sort of thought he did.

Dean didn’t want to think about the end of the road or what happened then. He just wanted to enjoy this time right now. He’d deal with California when they got to it. By then, he was almost certain he’d know what to do. For now, he just kissed Cas and petted him and occasionally shared long moments of eye contact while they petted each other.

Then Cas shifted and their cocks brushed against each other and slow and languid making out went out the window. Fire and electricity shot through Dean’s body in all directions, radiating out from where they’d touched. He rolled his hips, seeking more of that feeling. Cas was rolling forward, too.

Petting became grasping and stroking, clutching and squeezing. Kissing changed from soft and sweet to hard and fast. Their stubble rasped together. Fingers curled into hair and hips rolled.

Cas finally pulled back enough to pant, “We need to get naked. Soon. Now.”

Dean agreed and they make quick, if awkward, work of it. Then they were naked and Dean didn’t think pressing his naked skin against someone else’s had ever felt quite so good. He was on top of Cas this time, planting kisses everywhere that was in reach.

“You’ve got a mole over your nipple,” Dean observed.

Cas smirked. “I’m aware.” Dean wiped the smirk off his face when he took said nipple into his mouth, sucking and biting at the same time.

“It’s kind of sexy, that’s all,” Dean told him before going right back to sucking it.

Cas back arched, bringing his chest closer to Dean’s mouth. Dean knew that, contrary as it seemed, that was probably a sign that it was too much. He pulled off and blew lightly over the hardened bud before moving on to its twin. He heard Cas fumbling on the table, but paid little attention. Just before he was expecting Cas’ back to arch again, though, he instead felt a cool, slick hand wrapping around his cock.

“Fuck!”

“Let’s,” Cas whispered with a filthy grin.

They kissed again as Cas managed to get both their cocks in his grip. Dean slowly rolled into Cas’ fist, and Cas did the same. They stopped kissing to stare at each other as their lower bodies worked. The pressure built in Dean’s stomach, but he didn’t drop his eyes and neither did Cas. This was far from the closest he’d been to someone physically, but this was by far the most intimate sex he’d ever had.

He propped himself on one hand so that he could reach out and stroke the side of Cas’ face with the other. The pad of his thumb slid across Cas’ wet lower lip, then dropped down over the cleft in his chin. Dean leaned down and kissed him, without breaking eye contact at all. It got blurry at the end, but that was fine.

Dean lifted up again and Cas put his other hand on Dean’s face. “Just this, Dean,” he gasped out as his hand sped up. “Wanna come just like this... okay?”

Dean kissed him again, then nodded, but he grabbed Cas’ hand. “Yeah, Cas, that’s good, just... slow it down, okay? Want it to last.”

Cas smiled, then broke the eye contact for a minute when Dean skimmed his hand over Cas’ testicles and momentarily overwhelmed him. Dean tugged gently and Cas’ eyes flew open again. Then Dean reached back and lightly brushed his finger over Cas’ hole.

“Thought,” Cas rasped out, panting, “You wanted... it to last?” He laughed a little. “It won’t if you... keep that up.”

Dean growled and bent forward to kiss him again, wrapping his own hand around Cas’ and squeezing. He started pumping his hips again, grinding their cocks together between their hands. Then he stopped and pulled back from all of it, panting heavily, staring into those blue eyes again.

His hips and Cas’ hand were once again locked in a slow rhythm. Their eyes didn’t waver from each other, either. They lay there for a long time, slowly letting their orgasms build and then backing off at the last possible second. That lasted until they were both too exhausted to continue holding back.

“Won’t last another round, Cas. Can we?”

Cas just nodded, too breathless now to speak. Sweat poured off both of them, but neither seemed to care, not even when Dean’s dripped off his nose and onto Cas’ chest. Their eyes stayed focused on each other through it all. Then that pleasure in Dean’s belly built until it was like a rubber band about to snap. He put his hand around Cas’ again.

“Cas!” he whispered just as he started to go over.

“ _Deeeaaan_ ,” came the throaty reply as Cas let go at the same time.

Their come mingled on their hands, cocks, and torsos, warm and scenting the air slightly. Despite the sticky layer between them, Dean lowered himself fully onto Cas and kissed him as deeply as physically possible. He felt words bubbling up his throat and he quickly forced other words in their place.

“Cas, I’m really glad you’re here with me,” he whispered with his forehead on the other man’s shoulder.

Cas had wrapped his arms around him and he squeezed now. “So am I, Dean. Very glad.” He kissed Dean’s temple and squeezed him again.

After a few minutes of the most intense cuddling Dean could remember, he forced himself to lift up. “We better get cleaned up before we’re cemented together.”

Cas laughed. “That would be unpleasant, I suppose.” Then he lifted an eyebrow, turning contemplative. “Useful, though, for keeping you in bed.” Then he grinned, gums showing more than teeth.

Dean grinned back and kissed him on the nose. “All you ever have to do is ask, Cas. Can’t think of a better place to be than in bed with you.” _Or a car or a diner or anywhere at all, as long as you’re there. I am so screwed._ Dean hopped up quickly to get a wash cloth before his emotions began to show on his face.

When he got them cleaned up and got back in bed, they tangled together easily, as if they’d had years of practice. It tugged at something inside him. He started thinking about the end of the trip, as little as he wanted to. He wondered if he could ask Cas to visit him after school was out? Long distance sucked and he didn’t know how they’d work it out. He just really knew he didn’t want this to end.

Dean was determined to bring it up the next day and talk about it like an adult. He would do it right now, but the soft snores against his shoulder told him Cas was already asleep. He kissed the top of his head and quickly joined him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To celebrate Misha's 41st, I'm running a [99¢ sale on my book](http://amzn.to/1NljucJ) [(£.99 @ Amazon UK)](http://www.amazon.co.uk/Art-Survival-Jamie-Dean-ebook/dp/B00Y9IA6LM/ref=sr_1_8?ie=UTF8&qid=1440097119&sr=8-8&keywords=the+art+of+survival)! 24 hours only! (and remember, if you use AmazonSmile and choose The Art Department as your charity, a small donation will go to Random Acts!)
> 
> Thanks for all your well wishes and proclamations of my beauty, sweet ones. Always love to hear from you. You keep me going! ♥♥


	6. Politics, Religion and Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One mystery is solved and another begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a few more to go now! The next few are a bit shorter than the first ones because I think it will read better that way. Just wanted to give fair warning. 
> 
> The [book remains discounted to $1.99](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00Y9IA6LM/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00Y9IA6LM&linkCode=as2&tag=jamdeawri-20&linkId=T2NBPCKUUYMKTG24) for about 18 more hours.

They got a pretty early start, so they were finished with lunch before noon. Dean hadn’t managed to bring up the end of the trip before, but he was going to do it now. He reached over and took Cas’ hand and earned himself a smile that went straight through his chest.

“Hey, Cas, um... I was wondering. When we get to California, what—“ The speech he had partially planned was interrupted by the ringing of his cell phone. “Shit, I should take it. Sorry,” he apologized with a glance at Cas. “What’s up, Red?”

“Hey! Um, I have kind of a weird question? I already left a message for Lisa, but... when you were packing your stuff, do you remember seeing a purple thong? It’s dragon scale print, kinda shiny?”

Dean wasn’t sure how he felt, exactly. For a second, everything stopped as his mind conjured the underwear in question, as they dangled from Lisa’s hand, fueling the accusations of infidelity she was hurling at him.

“Uh, Charlie? Did I not tell you _why_ Lisa thought I cheated on her?”

“Um, because she’s an idiot and you shouldn’t have been with her anyway?” Charlie offered.

Dean laughed. “Besides that.” When she remained silent, he explained, “She found a pair of purple dragon scale panties and assumed I’d taken them off some chick before I banged her.”

“You really know how to sweet talk a girl.”

“ _Charlie_ ,” he growled.

“Sorry. Shit, are you saying my underwear broke you two up?”

“I’m saying tell me how _your_ underwear ended up in _my_ apartment,” he said slowly. He wasn’t really upset—he was happy with the outcome—but he wanted to finally know what had happened, at least.

“I kinda, um, took them off for some chick before I banged her?” Charlie said in a soft, sheepish voice.

Dean couldn’t help it. He laughed. “Damn, Charlie. In my _apartment_?”

“Dean! That’s what you _do_ at parties when you’re not attached, remember?”

“Okay, okay, fair point.” He glanced at Cas, rolling his eyes in amused affection for the woman on the other end of the line.

“So, uh, I guess at least Lisa knows she was an idiot now.” She made a noise like she was thinking, but Dean knew it was her “I am about to be very unsubtle” noise. “So how’s the trip with Cas going?”

Dean chuckled. “The trip is fantastic. Cas is fantastic,” he added with a fond look into blue eyes. “And it’s fine that she knows now. I don’t care.”

“Good. I’m glad on all counts. I guess I’ll wait till she calls me. She probably didn’t keep it, huh? Dammit, those were special order!”

“Maybe be a little more careful where you leave your drawers, Red,” he suggested with a smirk.

“You shut up, Winchester. Later.”

“Later.” They hung up.

Cas was looking at him, face filled with curiosity, but he said nothing.

“In case you didn’t figure it out, the underwear that Lisa found was Charlie’s. _She_ banged a chick in our apartment at the party.” Dean laughed. “Man, I love her even more now.” He shook his head and checked his mirrors. “Girl’s got game, I’ll say that. I was pretty sure there were nothing but straight girls at that party.”

Cas looked at him searchingly and Dean just looked back, waiting for whatever it was Cas wanted to ask. He didn’t have to wait long.

“You’re not upset?”

“Upset? Dude, all this time I’ve been wracking my brain trying to figure out where that damn underwear came from and it turns out it was Charlie’s.” He shrugged. “Only thing I’m upset about is that I didn’t figure that out a lot sooner. I mean, it makes total freaking sense, but it never occurred to me.” He scratched his cheek as he passed a semi-truck. “Well, I guess I should have told people sooner why Lisa thought I was cheating. Then Charlie might not have lost her underwear.”

“Okay,” Cas said with a smile. “I just wondered. Do you think we’ll make San Francisco tonight?”

“Well, we could, but I’d really have to work for it. I don’t mind, either way.”

“We can afford to stop again tonight if—“

Dean’s phone rang again. His stomach dropped. He did not want to have this conversation in front of Cas. On the other hand, they’d already stopped for lunch and had plenty of gas and there was no reason to waste the time stopping again. He didn’t want secrets between him and Cas, anyway.

“It’s Lisa. I better take it and get this over with.” He saw Cas face shutter as he spoke into the phone, but he figured he’d just have to deal with that at the end of the phone call. “I take it you got Charlie’s message,” was the greeting he gave.

“I did. I called to apologize.”

“Don’t want your apology.” His fingers were tight on the wheel. He was still angry with her, whether or not them being over was a good thing—which it sure as hell was, as far as he was concerned.

“Dean, listen, in my place, what would you have thought?”

“Lisa, we were together for two years. You know how important loyalty is to me—or you damn well should’ve.” He saw Cas’ turn away out of the corner of his eye and he wanted this over as soon as possible.

Lisa sighed and Dean prepared himself to listen to excuses. “Dean, what can I do to make this right? I’ve... I’ve missed you. I made a mistake. Now that I know that, we can be together.”

Dean laughed, he couldn’t help it. “You’ve _missed_ me? Lisa, you not only accused me of cheating, you kicked me out and _you got me fired_. You really think a little ‘oops, sorry’ is gonna fix all that?”

“But, Dean—“

“No. Don’t ‘but Dean’ me, Lisa. There’s nothing else to say.” He was fuming.

“Dean, I _love_ you,” she tried this time and he could hear the tears in her voice.

“Oh, you _love_ me, oh good. Glad that meant so much to you when you were waving underwear in my face and calling me a piece of shit and forcing me to lose my job.” He took a deep breath, to try and calm down. “Look, I am on my way to California because your jealousy left me with no home and no job. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Call Charlie and find out how much you owe her for the thong.”

He clicked off the phone and took several more deep breaths. He was furious all over again at Lisa, but he didn’t want to be. He didn’t care about their relationship. He cared about the new one he had with Cas. He had to be calm and address everything with Cas now instead of letting his anger get the better of him.

“Hey, sorry you had to hear all that. I know that couldn’t have been pleasant. It’s over now, though.” He looked, but Cas was still staring out the window. “Cas? Come on, look at me, man.”

When Cas finally spoke, he left his face where it was and his voice sounded stilted. “You were together for a long time.”

“Well, I mean, yeah. Longer than we should’ve been. It was probably going to be over soon anyway, underwear or not. It just makes me mad that she didn’t trust me. I’d rather it have ended because we were adults about it.”

Cas turned to face forward, but still didn’t make eye contact. “Had you planned on breaking up with her?”

Dean thought back to the time leading up to the confrontation with the thong. “I don’t know that plan is the right word. I’d definitely thought about it. I hadn’t come to any concrete decisions yet, I guess, but it was winding down, for sure.”

Cas sighed and when he looked at Dean, Dean did not like his expression at all. It was sad and something else—regretful maybe? Whatever it was, Dean didn’t like it.

“Dean, you and Lisa were together a long time. There was a misunderstanding or you might be together right now. You say you’d thought about it, but who is to say without Charlie’s underwear you might have thought differently and even... proposed or something?”

“What? No, Cas, marriage is definitely not my thing at all. That was—“ He was going to say “never going to happen”, but he saw Cas’ face first and how Dean’s words about not wanting to get married had had the opposite effect of what he wanted.

He realized then that he wanted to reassure Cas, to tell him that not wanting marriage before didn’t mean he wouldn’t ever—and the idea that he wanted to do that petrified him. His throat closed up and he couldn’t speak. He could feel Cas pulling away and he couldn’t say anything to pull him back.

“Dean... as much as it pains me to say this... I think we need to take a step back. These past few days have been….”

Cas turned his face to the window again and Dean swore he saw his shoulders hitch. It tore a hole in Dean’s chest, but he still couldn’t say anything—now for a totally new reason. When Cas spoke again, his broken voice confirmed Dean’s fears.

“They’ve been the best of my life. I wouldn’t trade them, but... you... you’re probably just rebounding. Your relationship of two years ended unexpectedly and….” He drew a deep shaky breath. “I can’t in good conscience ask you to forget it ever happened without at least considering whether you could forgive Lisa for her mistake.”

He finally faced Dean again and searched his face for a moment before speaking. “My reasons are also partly selfish. I couldn’t stand the idea of being with you, only to one day realize you were still wondering ‘what if’ about your past.” He turned away again. “We’re going to be living on two separate coasts, anyway.”

Almost every part of Dean was screaming “No!” at Cas, but one tiny part said Cas was making sense. Dean struggled to find words. Words to stop this, words to fix it, words to make Cas understand how he felt.

It wasn’t easy, but he managed to tell Cas, “They’ve been the best days of my life too, Cas. Don’t think that happens with a rebound, do you?”

Cas shook his head. “Please, Dean. You need to consider it. We were going to separate when I left for Elizabeth City, anyway. It’s just... happening a couple of days early, that’s all.”

All at once, Dean was angry. Didn’t he even get a say in this? “What the hell, Cas? You’re not even gonna listen to what I’m saying to you? You’ve just decided for me that I don’t know how I feel?”

“Dean, please—“

“No, you know what? You want to split up? Then we’ll split up. We aren’t stopping at a motel tonight, though. We’re driving straight through to my brother’s and you’re crashing on the couch.”

“I—Dean, can you at least—“ Cas tried again.

Dean, however, was in that state of mind where anger was protecting him from the pain. He was going to let it rule for a while and keep the hurt at bay.

“You said everything you needed to say, Cas, and I don’t feel like talking.” So saying, he cranked up the radio, louder than it had been the rest of the trip.

He drove fast and loud—speeding much more than he had previously and music blaring—for the next several hours, until he absolutely had to stop for gas and the bathroom. Neither of them spoke. He could tell Cas was upset, but he couldn’t worry about it. He was upset enough himself. No one seemed to trust him and it really sucked.

When he realized that, he decided he did need to talk to Cas, after all. When they were back in the car and driving again—eating gas station sandwiches because Dean didn’t want to stop to eat and slow them down—he turned off the radio.

“You know, you’re doing exactly the same thing she did. You’re taking what you _think_ is evidence and making a case for why we can’t be together. The worst part is, you’re more wrong than she was.”

He snapped the radio back on, not allowing Cas to respond. They drove in conversational silence for the rest of the trip. It was tense and awkward and awful. Dean hated every minute. All he had wanted was to have one more night with Cas before being faced with a giant decision about the future. Cas had taken that option away.

Seeing his brother helped a little bit. As soon as Sam came into view, Dean’s mood lifted considerably. He’d called from the road a couple of times to let him know when they’d be there. Sam must have decided to come out to meet them. Apparently he was renting half a duplex, which Dean was pleased about—if only because it meant he’d have more space from Cas while he was here.

“Sammy!” he exclaimed, grabbing his brother in a bear hug. If Sam was surprised at how long he held on, he made no comment on it. “Damn, it is good to see you, little brother! Look at you. Have you grown again? Shit, I swear you’re taller.”  


Sam grinned back, laughing off Dean’s claims about his height. “No, I haven’t. And this must be Cas?” he asked, walking over to greet the man Dean hadn’t even noticed had climbed out of the passenger seat.

“Uh, yeah. Cas, Sam. Sam, Cas.”

Sam caught something in his tone evidently because he flashed Dean a look, but he said nothing. “Hey, Cas,” Sam greeted, shaking his hand. “Nice to meet you. I heard good things.”

Cas’ smile was genuine, but Dean saw the pain in his eyes and he looked away. “Hello, Sam. Your brother speaks very highly of you. He’s quite proud.” Cas coughed, and Dean couldn’t tell if it was to emphasize what he said or not. “Of your accomplishments, I mean.”

“Yeah, he tends to brag about me a lot. Sorry if he bored you,” Sam told him, grinning easily. Dean could see that Cas was responding to his natural warmth and relaxing. “Well, come on, you guys must be tired, let’s get you inside. I’ll get your bags, just hand them out to me.”

Both Dean and Cas tried to protest, but given that they were exhausted and Sam was a giant, it was an unfair fight and they easily lost. They awkwardly followed him across the small yard and up the stairs. He left them both in the living room while he got blankets for the fold out and put Dean’s bag upstairs.

“Dean, I don’t want to fight about this—“

Cas stopped at the thundering of Sam’s feet down the stairs. “You guys hungry? I made a bunch of spaghetti, just in case.”

“I am rather hungry. We didn’t really stop for food after lunch, just snacks.” Dean didn’t hear any accusation in Cas’ tone, but he felt guilty, nonetheless.

“Yeah, I was in kind of a hurry to get here, I guess. Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Cas told him quickly.

Sam could obviously sense the tension, but he didn’t comment. “Right, well, if you wanna come into the kitchen, I’ll get you both plates. I’ve already eaten, but you guys have all you want. Um—“ He was interrupted by the ringing of his phone. “Oh, that’s Jess, I better take it. Shout if you need anything, okay?” With that, he was gone up the stairs, having failed to get the promised plates.

Dean found them easily enough and forked up piles of spaghetti for them both, as well as slices of garlic bread. He offered Cas the Parmesan and watched him pour a mountain on his spaghetti before he caught Dean staring. He ducked his head sheepishly and handed the cheese back. Dean proceeded to pour almost as much on his own, staring at Cas the whole time. They both smiled at each other tentatively and some of the tension was gone.

They ate in silence for a few minutes, as Dean tried to rein in his thoughts. The drive had given him a lot of time to think. He was still angry and still hurt, but he didn’t want them to separate like this. He just hadn’t known how to transition to something more comfortable while they were still in the tense, crowded car. Finally, he thought out his words to try and explain what he’d been thinking for the past hour or so.

“Look, Cas….” Dean sighed and scraped a hand through his hair. “Whatever is going on between us—or not going on, I guess—scattering your dad’s ashes is a big deal. I don’t want you to do that alone, even if you and I are just friends.”

“You would go with me?” Cas asked quietly, voice and face full of surprise.

“Yeah, Cas, I’d go with you. I’m mad, but I still care about you, you know.”

Cas smiled at him, but it was a very sad smile. “I care about you, too, Dean. That’s why I’m asking you to take this time to think about what you want.”

“I don’t want to talk about it, Cas. You’re wrong and I don’t know how to make you see it right now, and I’ll just get angry again. So let’s leave it for now.” He sighed, trying to calm back down. “So, do you want me to come with you?”

“Yes, Dean. It would mean a lot to me, if you would be there.”

Dean nodded. “Ok, then. Just give me fifteen minutes notice before you’re ready to go and we’ll do it.”

They finished their meals in silence, neither knowing what else to say. Things were better between them, but the awkwardness and uncertainty remained. It felt wrong to talk about all the things they’d talked about before—hopes and dreams and childhoods—when they didn’t know where they were going from here.

Dean washed the dishes and put away the food while Cas made up his bed. When he got to the living room, Cas was standing in the middle of the floor, looking lost. He looked up when Dean walked in and the naked longing in his face was almost more than Dean could take. Cas masked his emotions quickly, but it was too late.

Dean strode to Cas and pulled him into a hug he never wanted to pull out of. Cas hesitated, but held back just as fiercely. Dean pressed a kiss to the side of Cas’ neck. He wouldn’t try for a real kiss, but he had to give Cas that much, at least. Cas froze for a second, then pressed his own kiss to the side of Dean’s head.

“Night, Cas,” Dean whispered huskily.

“Goodnight,” Cas whispered back.

Dean turned out the light on his way to the stairs, staring at Cas a long time as he did so. Cas stared back, but finally dropped his gaze, radiating regret so strongly Dean could almost see it glow in the dark. He knew Cas wanted to be walking upstairs with him. He got halfway up and walked back down.

“Sleep with me upstairs, Cas.” Before Cas could protest, he clarified, “Just sleep, that’s all I’m offering. If you’re intent on us taking a break or whatever, at least give me this much.”

Cas stared at him for a long time, at the hand Dean had stretched out toward him. Dean held it for several seconds, not letting it drop a millimeter. Finally, Cas nodded and took it, stepping closer. They held hands on the way up the stairs. Sam’s door was closed, but the guest room light was burning. They kept their hands together as they stepped into the room.

Dean kicked off his shoes, then finally let go of Cas’s hand, so he could get undressed. When he was down to a T-shirt and boxer briefs, he climbed into the bed and held out his hand again. When Cas was finishing getting similarly unclothed, he took the hand and crawled in beside him.

Dean rolled over, taking Cas’ arm with him. It pulled Cas into the big spoon position. Dean wanted to hold onto Cas and never let go, but more than that he needed to be held and comforted. Cas wrapped him up tightly and pressed another kiss to his head.

Though he’d expected insomnia, Dean was so exhausted that he slept easily. His dreams were troubled, but every time he woke up still wrapped in Cas, he went right back to sleep again.

The room was in full sunlight by the time Dean woke up for good. His first thoughts were of Cas and how he’d looked each previous time Dean had woken up—so vulnerable it made Dean’s chest ache to see. He knew what he felt for Cas was way beyond what he’d felt for Lisa. For anyone. It wasn’t a rebound and he wasn’t going to lose it.

On the heels of that thought came the remembrance that today was about Cas scattering his father’s ashes. That he was doing so after a tumultuous relationship with his father and a year of putting it off meant it might be an even bigger ordeal than normal. So Dean knew relationship woes would have to wait. Today was about Cas being okay.

He was startled from his thoughts by some sort of noise. Before he could work out what the sound had been, he heard Sam talking, his voice getting louder as he came through the door.

“Hey, Dean? Man, I can’t find Cas!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sing me the songs of your people. ♥


	7. Love Between Two People Must Be Based On Understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Decisions are made. Bags are packed. Ashes are scattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today has been a super weird and not particularly good day. I'm really glad Misha is okay, but what a nasty business.

Cas woke up in an empty bed. Almost immediately on the heels of that realization was the further thought that he’d better get used to that state of things again. He sighed heavily and moved to drag himself out of bed. Before he could, his phone chimed with a message. Checking it, he saw it was from his brother Gabriel.

**> You made it to California yet?**

**Yes. I’m scattering the ashes today.**

**> You want some company?**

**You’re in California??**

**> Yeah. Been here a while, actually**

Cas was surprised. He hadn’t known where Gabriel was for a while, but he didn’t expect him to be here of all places. He wondered why, but he’d long since stopped asking Gabriel why he did anything. It was usually a pointless endeavor. He debated his answer, knowing Dean had offered to go with him. Then he looked over at the empty spot on the bed and remembered his earlier thoughts. That made his decision for him.

**I’d like some company, yes. Can you pick me up?**

Gabriel said that he could and Cas texted him the address. Cas used the bathroom and went downstairs to make sure it was all right to take a shower. As he stepped off the stairs, he overheard the brothers talking from the other room.

Sam said, “Man, sorry about waking you up. I freaked when I couldn’t find Cas. I didn’t realize you two were a thing.”

Dean sighed loudly enough that Cas could hear it clearly, even though their words were somewhat muffled. “I’m not so sure we are a thing anymore. Lisa called yesterday and said she wanted to get back together.”

Deciding he definitely did not need to be listening to this, but not yet ready to face Dean yet, Cas rummaged in his bag for his toothbrush and shampoo. When he found them, though, the living room was quiet enough for him to clearly hear Dean again, in spite of his resolve not to eavesdrop.

“—means more to me than anyone else ever has. The timing sucks, but I can’t just walk away from that, right?”

Cas felt daggers of ice in his chest. Dean had obviously already made his decision. He’d chosen Lisa. He was probably asking his brother for advice on how to let Cas down easy. Cas would spare him the need. He walked quietly over to the stairs and coughed loudly. The voices in the kitchen were instantly silenced.

He strode into the kitchen then, toothbrush and shampoo clutched forgotten in his hand. “Good morning.”

“Hey, Cas,” Sam greeted him. “Sorry if I woke you barging in like that.”

Cas looked at Sam in confusion. “Barged in?” He tried to smile. “I must have slept right through it. Do you mind if I take a shower?”

“Nah, of course not. Help yourself. You need anything besides towels? They’re in the closet next to the shower.”

“I’m fine.” He stepped closer, looking at Dean for the first time and trying not to look like he was trying to memorize his face. “Dean, my brother Gabriel texted me and let me know he is in town. He has offered to accompany me to the scattering, so you needn’t trouble yourself.”

“It’s no trouble, Cas. If you want me there, I’ll be there.”

“Thank you, but no. I’m sure with Gabriel there, I’ll be fine.” Dean looked hurt, which Cas didn’t expect or really understand, but he rushed to make it sound like less of a rejection. “Honestly, I say that more for Gabriel than for me. He and my father had a terrible relationship and the fact that he’s offered to be there tells me he’s more conflicted than he’s let on up to this point.”

Dean’s face lost some of its hurt. “You don’t think he wants an audience. Sure, I get that.” Dean sipped his coffee. “Well, hey, maybe we can all go to lunch afterward, huh?”

“Perhaps,” Cas said, though he knew that wasn’t going to happen. “I’m going to go grab that shower now.”

~~@~~

Gabriel didn’t mince words when Cas got into the car, after stowing his bags and the ashes in the back seat. “Whose house is that? You don’t know anyone in California.” He shot a look at Cas as he pulled out onto the street and smirked. “Scratch that. You don’t know anyone, period.”

Cas gave him a withering stare until Gabriel turned around again to see it. “I do know people, Gabriel. I have plenty of acquaintances at the youth center, for one thing.” He looked out the window, wishing he could say, “Besides, I’ll have you know my boyfriend is going to be living there with his brother!”

Dean was not his boyfriend, though. Dean was going to go back to his ex-girlfriend and Cas was going to go back to being alone. It hurt so much Cas didn’t think he could stand it. His chest hurt so much with the pain of it, his breastbone actually felt like it was being branded.

“No one from the youth center in North Carolina lives in a duplex in California, Cas. Who the hell is it?”

Cas sighed. “I answered an ad for someone who needed someone to make the trip to California with them. Dean and I drove here together because he was planning on moving into that house with his brother.”

Gabriel was far too astute for Cas’ peace of mind. “ _Was_ planning? He’s not now?”

“I don’t, uh, I don’t know for sure. He—something came up back in North Carolina, I think.” Cas knew he sounded morose, but he couldn’t help it. His father had been gone long enough that he’d become unskilled at hiding his stronger emotions. He was miserable and it was showing.

“Castiel? You wanna talk about what’s going on right now?”

Cas ignored Gabriel’s stare. He considered denying there was anything amiss, but he decided to be blunt, instead. “No, Gabriel, I really don’t.”

Gabriel, to his credit, didn’t push. Instead, they talked about where they were going and how long it would take to get there. Gabriel didn’t discuss how he was feeling, either, which might have been the biggest reason he’d not pushed Cas—so that Cas wouldn’t push him.

Cas tried not to dwell on how he’d left Dean without telling him he wasn’t coming back. He tried not to remember the hug Dean had given him before he’d walked out. Cas had clung to him, knowing—as Dean did not—that Cas would likely not see Dean again. It was possible they would run into each other once Dean moved back in with Lisa, but it didn’t bear thinking about.

At last, Gabriel was parking the car. He’d driven them to a pier which was, thankfully, deserted this time of day. The beach around it only had a few people walking their dogs or jogging. There were no swimmers or sunbathers here and Cas was grateful for small blessings.

The sky was cloudy and pale blue gray. The cool wind off the water was blowing toward them, making Gabriel’s hair fly around and ruffling Cas’ until he was sure it was standing on end more than normal. Sea gulls flew overhead, occasionally making their high squawking sounds, too far away to be an annoyance. It was actually sort of comforting.

When they reached the end of the pier, Gabriel sat down with his legs hanging over the edge. Cas folded up and sat beside him, his legs crossed in the way that was once known as “Indian style.” He idly wondered what they called it now. He set the urn between them.

“I loved him, you know,” Gabriel startled him by saying after they’d sat in silence for a few minutes. “He was awful and wrong about so many things, but he was my dad and I loved him.” He leaned back on his hands, not looking at anything but the ocean. “I’ve made my peace with it over the past year, but I wanted you to know. I probably should have told you sooner.”

Cas surprised even himself by slinging an arm around his brother and pulling him close in an awkward hug. Gabriel lifted an arm and returned it. “He _was_ awful and wrong about a lot—and I loved him, too.” He hesitated. “I’ve missed you, Gabriel. Let’s not stay apart so long next time, all right?”

“Yeah, same here, kiddo. We won’t.” He turned to look at Cas for the first time. “Since we’re sharing, you wanna tell me why you’re so sad about that guy you drove here with?”

Cas was slightly taken aback by the question, so he answered it without thinking. “I fell for him.” When he realized that he’d already confessed, he kept talking. “And I thought he was falling for me, too. Only, his ex called and wanted him back. And I realized I was just a rebound and….” It was his turn to stare out at the ocean. “And I walked out today without telling him that I wasn’t coming back because I couldn’t bear it.”

“He told you that you were a rebound?” Gabriel asked, incredulous and angry on Cas’ behalf.

“No, he didn’t. He... they were together two years. It’s only been a short time that they have been apart. When she called, _I_ realized that’s what I was and I told him he needed to consider her offer of getting back together.” He frowned, trying not to let the pain of this morning overwhelm him. “He made noises about not wanting to, but this morning, I overheard... he said she meant more to him than anyone else ever has.”

Gabriel looked at him sympathetically. “Castiel, if you care about him that much, don’t you at least owe it to yourself to say a proper goodbye? Even if he doesn’t feel it back.”

Cas shook his head. “I already booked my flight for later today. I have to leave soon after we finish here, actually, so that I can meet with the lawyers and get to the airport.”

Gabriel frowned. “You’re leaving? I thought I’d get to spend a little time with you while you were here.”

Cas’ face softened. “I’m sorry, Gabriel. Once school is out, I’ll come visit again, I promise. Send me your address?”

Gabriel continued to frown, but he nodded. “So, you need a ride?”

Cas smiled. “I’d like that.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes, staring out at the water. Finally, Cas sighed. “I suppose we should get this over with. Do you mind doing the recording?”

Gabriel didn’t answer at first, or move. Cas froze in his attempt to stand when his brother spoke. “Hey, you know I know that my “inheritance” was from you, right?” Gabriel looked up at him, clear brown eyes as serious as Cas had ever seen them.

Cas finished standing up and stared back out at the water, watching a sailboat in the distance. “You were his son too. Just because you were braver than me is no reason for you not to get your share.”

Gabriel stood up without answering, but he nudged Cas’ shoulder with his own. Then he took a deep breath. “Hand me the phone so I can do the video.”

Cas handed him the phone, opened to the camera feature, then bent down to retrieve the ashes. He opened the lid of the urn and then opened his mouth to say a few words, but Gabriel shocked him into silence by speaking first.

“Hey, God, if you’re really up there like dear old Dad thought, have mercy on his poor, misguided soul, yeah?”

Feeling he could not improve upon that, Cas simply said, “Amen. Goodbye, Father.” Then he tilted the urn until the ashes began to spill onto the water below, wind thankfully blowing toward the ocean now instead of the shore. Between the wind and the current, the ashes were quickly borne away and gone. Since the urn was metal, Cas didn’t feel it was really harmful for the water creatures—so he chucked it into the ocean as well, getting a laugh from his brother.

“You wanna stay here and commune with his spirit or anything?” Gabriel asked and Cas shook his head no.

“No. Let’s go.”

They were back in the car and several miles up the road when Cas remembered, “Dean told me he’d have Sam look into what happened to our mother. Apparently, he’s good at finding people.” Cas shrugged. “Guess that’s out now, though.”

Gabriel looked at Cas as they sat at a stop light. “Don’t you think you should at least call him and let him know you aren’t coming back so he doesn’t worry?”

Cas frowned and looked out the window. “I suppose you’re right.” The GPS told Gabriel to turn. “When I get to the airport, I’ll call him.”

“Coward,” Gabriel chastised, but he didn’t say anything further about it. “Do you want me to come in with you at the lawyer’s?”

Cas looked at him, caught off guard. “You’d do that?”

“You’re my brother, kiddo. I know I haven’t been the best one lately, but I love you and all that crap.” He smirked and Cas rolled his eyes.

“I would appreciate the company.”

~~@~~

At the airport, Cas said his goodbyes to Gabriel, with a hug and a reiterated promise to come back for a visit in summer. He checked in and headed through security. It was not until he was sitting at his gate, only a few minutes from boarding, that he picked up his phone to call Dean.

“Cas? I was starting to worry.” Dean cleared his throat. “I, uh, I noticed your bags were gone. Are you... staying with Gabriel?”

Cas sighed. “Dean, I’m at the airport. I think it’s clear you need to think about this very carefully. I’m going to go home to Elizabeth City and let you do what you need to do.”

“Well, I was thinking about going back to North Carolina myself, actually,” Dean told him hesitantly, as if afraid of Cas’ reaction.

Cas sighed again to cover the way his breath hitched. “Yes, I thought you might. You and Lisa should discuss things face to face.” He felt tears prickle his eyes.

“What? No, Cas—“ Dean tried to interrupt, but Cas barely heard him.

Cas lied, “They are calling my flight now, I need to board. Take care, Dean.”

“Cas? No, wait—“ Cas heard Dean say, but it was too late. Cas had hung up.

The phone rang again, but Cas didn’t answer. Dean didn’t leave a message. Cas, determined not to cry in the middle of a crowded airport, bit his lip and focused on the book he was reading.

Eventually, his flight was called to board and he took his seat near the window. He watched the world go by. He didn’t understand it, but this flight seemed so much longer than the road trip with Dean had been. There would be no cheap motel at the end of it and no soapy shower handjobs when he bathed. He was alone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lovely weather were having, isn't it? ♥


	8. Time Keeps On Slippin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finding the way home is sometimes a lot easier than you expect. ~~Even if you're a big conclusion-jumping dummy who probably doesn't deserve it~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've realized the abbreviation for my first fic was OWWOWW - y'all shoulda known I was gonna always bring the pain xD (But don't I kiss it away so pretty?)

When Cas landed, he grabbed a cab back to his house. He called Meg to let her know he was home and she invited him to dinner. He tried to refuse, but she hadn’t seen him in a week and she was insistent. He finally acquiesced, but he made her agree to wait until he’d showered. She also agree to come pick him up, since he just wasn’t up to a run today.

The meal was more fun than he’d hoped, but it was obvious he wasn’t himself. She commented on it, but he was able to distract her with presents and she let it drop. He just wasn’t ready to talk about it yet. Maybe in a few days, when it stung less. She insisted on driving him home, too, although he’d decided to walk.

“You’re not walking tonight, sunshine. Not in this kicked-puppy mood you’re in. Someone would mess with you for sure.” She brooked no argument and he got in the car.

She didn’t ask him any questions and he was grateful. He knew he owed her more than this, but he just couldn’t. She didn’t press, though, seeming to understand. She’d known him a long time.

“Who the hell is that?” she asked as they pulled up his driveway.

Her posture and tone alerted Cas to the fact that she was concerned, since he wasn’t looking the same direction she was. He turned and saw a figure sitting on his stoop. When the shadow stood up and stepped forward, Cas felt a jolt.

“It’s Dean,” he breathed, confused.

“That guy you were driving with? I thought you left him in California?”

“I... I did. He—“ He turned to look at her. “Meg, I will talk to you tomorrow, all right? Thank you for dinner. I need to see what this is about.”

She reached out and squeezed his hand. “Call me if you need me.”

He smiled. “I will.” Cas stepped slowly out of the car, heart pounding and chest burning. He watched Meg drive away before approaching the porch and Dean.

“Hey, Cas.”

“What—how did you get here?”

Dean laughed. “Same way you did. On a plane.”

Castiel gaped at Dean, knowing the answer was obvious, but still unable to believe it. “But you hate to fly. You went on and on about it when I told you about my flying lessons.”

“Some things are more important than fear, Cas.” Dean’s eyes said he wasn’t just talking about flying, but Cas still didn’t understand why he was here. Dean took a step closer, rubbing the back of his neck. “You left without saying goodbye.” He frowned, bringing out the dimples Cas had grown to know and love so well.

Cas looked away. Then he nodded. “I know. Today was... hard.” For a lot of reasons, most of which had to do with Dean and not scattering his father’s ashes, though dealing with the lawyers had been no picnic, either. “I called from the airport because I felt bad about it.” Even though Gabriel had technically talked him into it, it was still the truth.

“How did it go? I mean, with the ashes and the lawyers and everything? Did Gabriel help?”

Cas managed a small smile. “Gabriel was very helpful. He said some kind things and we talked honestly for the first time in a long time. He went with me to the lawyer’s, actually.”

“Really wanted to see you before you left, Cas.” Dean’s face was neutral, but Cas could see something in his eyes. He looked away, unable to bear it, since he thought it might be pity. When he didn’t respond, Dean asked, “So, was that your friend Meg?”

Cas nodded. Then what he most wanted to know was suddenly bubbling up inside him, forcing its way out.

“Have you already seen Lisa?” he asked in a small, bitter voice, staring at a hangnail instead of Dean.

“No, Cas, and I probably won’t.”

Cas’ head snapped up and he found that Dean had moved a lot closer while he was looking down. “What? But—“

“Cas, you’re—shit, you’re not some rebound, all right? I told you things that no one knows about, not Lisa or Charlie or even _Sam_. No one... No one I’ve dated has ever meant as much to me as you do.” His eyes were open now and the pain in them was obvious. That wasn’t pity. It was hurt.

Cas felt like a fool, even as relief flooded through him. “When I heard you say something like that this morning, I….” He had to look away to be able to confess, “I thought you were talking about Lisa. That’s why I left in such a hurry.”

Dean barked out a laugh, “Not even close, Cas.” He shook his head and he took another step, reaching up to cup Cas’ face this time. “You should have stuck around and let me talk to you, Cas. Bad things happen when you jump to conclusions, you know.” His thumb brushed across Cas’ cheekbone and Cas closed his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Dean. I was so scared of hearing you tell me it was over. I just—“ He shrugged and admitted, “I ran away, like a coward.” He dropped his eyes and took a deep breath. When he looked back up into those deep green eyes, he told him, “I’ve never felt this way about anyone. I’ve never been in love before. I didn’t know how to handle it.”

He didn’t really realize what he’d said until Dean’s eyes went round and happy.

“You love me too?”

Cas nodded, then asked, “Too?” hopefully.

Dean smiled, eyes soft. “Yeah, Cas. I’m kinda completely head over fucking heels in love with you.”

Cas pulled him into a sweet, sloppy kiss. “Good,” he whispered. “Stay that way.” He glanced at the house. “I think we should go inside.”

Dean was grinning now and he nodded. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

When they got inside, Cas stopped suddenly. “What about your car? Do you have to fly back and get it?”

Dean shook his head, obviously a little sad. “Nope. That’s Sammy’s car now. Remember he said his wasn’t running?” Cas nodded. “Well, it needed more work than it was worth and I needed to get back here, so I let him buy the Impala from me instead.” He stuck his hands in his pockets, then his eyes went wide again. “Oh! I almost forgot!” He pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and held it out to Cas.

“What’s this?” Cas asked, taking it. He opened it and stared at the name and phone number written on it. “Who is Becky Rosen?” His voice shook because he thought maybe he knew.

“Sam’s pretty sure that she’s your mom, Cas. Do you want to call her?”

Cas stared at the paper for a moment before shaking his head. He dropped the number into a bowl by the door. “Not tonight. Tonight, you and I need to go upstairs and take a shower. And then I’m going to see if I can find a way to make it up to you for running away.”

Dean tried to keep a straight face, but Cas could see the grin lurking in his eyes. “I dunno, Cas. I’m still pretty upset. It might take several tries to get me to forgive you.”

“That’s okay,” Cas assured him, smiling broadly. “We’ve got the whole night.”

~~@~~

The shower had been nice, but they’d stuck mostly to kissing and cleaning. It seemed they both wanted this to last, so they’d avoided frotting or even brushing against each other’s hips. Dean had insisted on washing Cas’ hair, but he wouldn’t let Cas do the same for him. No matter how many times Cas protested that it wasn’t fair.

When they finally got out of the shower, they were awkward and nervous at first, in a way they hadn’t been the first time they’d gone to have sex. Maybe because they’d fought now or been separated. Or maybe because there were feelings now. Real, spoken out loud _feelings_ that would be present and obvious in their touches.

It was a bit daunting, Cas had to admit. He had missed the taste of Dean’s skin, even though it had barely been forty-eight hours since he’d had it. He couldn’t believe that less than twenty-four hours ago, he’d been asleep in Dean’s arms. It had been such a long day. Cas was so happy that this was the way he was ending it.

He pulled Dean close and kissed him softly. Dean clung to him. Cas could feel a hint of desperation in his embrace. Cas kissed back just as passionately and then pulled back to reassure Dean.

“I’m not going anywhere again, Dean. I know you have reason to be scared, but I promise. Now that I know you feel what I feel, I’m not leaving unless you make me.” His thumbs stroked Dean’s cheekbones as his eyes bore into Dean’s soft green ones.

“I don’t want to lose you again, Cas. You gotta know, it’s you. It’s never been anyone else.” There was a shimmer in his eyes that Cas ignored.

Cas smiled and told him, “You know what I realized while you were washing my hair, Dean?”

“No?” Dean replied, confusion overtaking his fear for a moment.

Cas dropped his hands to Dean’s shoulders and his thumbs smoothed circles on his collarbones. Cas watched the movements as he spoke. “When Lisa dumped you, you hid out on your friends’ couches for a while and then fled across the country to get away from her.” His eyes snapped back up. “When I left you, you didn’t spend a single night with your brother before you flew all the way across the country after me.”

Dean nodded, the corners of his mouth tilting up slightly. “That’s true, Cas. Does that mean you believe me?”

Cas’s face softened. “It means I can’t believe how lucky I am,” He whispered. “Lucky that Meg told me about your ad and lucky that Lisa was an idiot. It means that somehow, I have to find a way to prove to you that you mean just as much to me.” He slid to his knees and grinned. “I have some ideas, of course.”

He loved the sound of Dean’s hoarse grasp as Cas slid his mouth over Dean’s thick head. Dean smelled like warm water, soap and musk and Cas lapped at him until his length was slick enough to slide between Cas’ lips freely. Cas sucked, hard, as he pulled back off.

Cas found a rhythm, bobbing his head slowly, but steadily. Dean’s hand fell to his hair, fingers gently carding through the strands, but never tugging or directing his movements. He took Dean’s full length into his mouth and throat, sliding his tongue out to tease at Dean’s balls. It drew a gasp and a groan out of Dean and Cas managed a humming laugh that made Dean grind out a hoarse, “Fuck!”

Cas pulled off Dean’s cock completely. “We can do that, too,” he teased, falling back on the bed, legs splaying in invitation.

As Dean climbed up after him, he asked shakily, “You want me to top this time?”

Cas smiled. “Want you to know that I’m yours.”

A few minutes later, when Cas had given him the lube and Dean was prepping him, Cas marveled at how gentle Dean was. They’d been tender with each other before, but this was a whole new level from Dean. His movements were bordering on reverent as he slid his fingers into Cas, opening him up.

As his fingers worked, his mouth did, too. Pressing kisses against Cas’ cheeks, his thighs, even his cock and balls. Through it all, Dean kept looking up at him, through his lashes, a kind of awe radiating out of his eyes. He seemed not to believe this was really happening. He kept looking up like he had to double check to make sure it was real.

“I’m ready, Dean. _Please_. Get up here and kiss me,” Cas pleaded, voice raw from panting.

Instead, Dean sent his fingers in search of Cas’ prostate, finding it easily. He pressed and twisted and scissored his fingers, until rough cries were ripped from Cas’ throat at the white hot pleasure coursing through him. He was trembling all over. The air conditioning was too high and his skin was chilled. Everywhere Dean touched him felt like he was being burned. He wanted more. Wanted that heat inside him.

“Please, Dean. _Please_ ,” he begged again. “Need you.”

This time, Dean gave him what he asked, slowly removing his fingers and pressing one last kiss to the head of Cas’ cock, making him twitch. He slid up between Cas’ legs, over his torso and then bent down to lay his lips again Cas’ mouth.

“Need you, too,” He murmured against Cas’ own lips. Then he pressed them into a kiss, slid his tongue across the gap, alongside Cas’ tongue. “Taste so good,” he whispered. Then he moved to bite at Cas’ earlobe, breathing hot and heavy and sending goosebumps chasing down Cas’ side.

Then the head of his cock was against Cas’ hole, pressing forward. Dean stared down into his eyes as he entered him, inch by inch, sliding in and out in increments until he was fully inside Cas. It had happened before, but it felt like the first time. Cas had never felt anything so incredible as Dean’s cock filling him while those green eyes, darkened with want, stared down into his own.

Dean began to move, rolling his hips slowly at first. Sometimes he would twist slightly as he thrust, catching his head on Cas’ prostate and causing him to gasp. On those thrusts, he would snap his hips forward a little harder, his hips jarring against Cas’ ass hard enough that he might be left with bruises tomorrow.

When Dean reached down and started to stroke Cas’ cock, Cas knew he wouldn’t last long. Dean was doing those twisting thrusts more frequently now and Cas was making an array of noises he hadn’t even known were in his repertoire until now. When Dean hit his prostate just right, at the same time as a twist-thrust-snap of his hips, Cas’ orgasm hit him like a freight train. He shouted a guttural, “Fuck!” then gasped out, “Dean! Yes, fuck, yes!”

As Cas’ come painted his chest, Dean’s thrust became more savage and then more erratic. He was pounding into Cas, still maintaining eye contact. When Cas forced him to break it by pulling him into another kiss, it took Dean over the edge and Cas felt him pulse deep inside him.

They lay together, spent, their breathing labored, for a long time before common sense prevailed and Cas got up to get something to wipe them down. When they were clean, he collapsed back on the bed, snuggling up to a half asleep Dean. The green-eyed man drew him close and wrapped him up tight as soon as they touched, and they fell asleep twined together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more to go! I'm not asking you to beg for me to post early, but a please might be nice xD ♥


	9. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past is revisited and the future is considered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, this is it. The last bit. Hope you've enjoyed this little journey as much as I have. MWAH! *schmoops all your faces*

“Cas, I can’t come with you to California!” Dean told him sternly, not wanting to yell, but he was getting frustrated with trying to explain this to Cas.

Cas was getting plenty frustrated himself. He decided to bring out the big guns. “Are you trying to tell me how I can and cannot spend my money, Dean?”

“What? No, of course not. But—“ Dean sputtered, but he was interrupted.

“Good. I am going to see my brother so we can _meet my mother_ for the first time in at least a couple of decades. Are you telling me you aren’t willing to be there with me to support me through that?” Cas’ face was impassive, but they both knew he had won, since he wasn’t necessarily playing in a way Dean would call ‘fair’.

“Of _course_ , I wanna be there to support you, Cas,” Dean protested.

“Then it’s settled. I am buying you a plane ticket to come with me to California. You can see Sam again, too.” Cas smiled, smelling victory.

Dean sighed, tasting defeat. “All right, Cas. You win. I’ll go with you, but as soon as we get back, I have got to find a new job. I can’t keep living here without contributing.”

“Dean, you cook every meal and you clean well enough that I’ve been able to get rid of my service. Even after taking the extra groceries into account, you’re actually saving me money by being here.”

Dean sighed and dropped his eyes. “Cas, the truth is, I gotta get a job and find my own place.”

Cas looked hurt. “What’s wrong with staying here with me?”

Dean made a noise of frustration. “Cas, you let me stay here when I first came to town, but I can’t keep living here. I mean, it’s... it’s too early for that and it’ll mess us up.”

“Dean, I seem to recall that when I met you, you were sleeping on Benny’s couch—and had been for at least a month. Before that, you’d crashed on Charlie’s.” Cas’ eyes narrowed. “Am I not as close a friend as they are?”

“Of course you are, but—“

“Okay, then. So it isn’t because we aren’t close that you don’t want to live here. Do you even remember how we spent the first week of our acquaintance? Surely you do, it hasn’t been that long.” Cas was frowning and Dean hated that expression on him.

“Uh, I’m not going to forget the best road trip and first few examples of the most awesome sex of my life, Cas,” Dean told him with a cocky smirk. Cas loved that expression, usually, but today it was a little irritating.

“Then I am sure you realize we were in closer quarters then than we are now. Not only did we manage it, but it was _amazing_... right?”

“So... you don’t want me to move out?” Dean asked.

“No. Do you want to move out?”

“Aren’t you afraid you’ll get sick of me?” Cas frowned harder.

“Do you want to move out?” Cas repeated.

Dean finally shook his head. “No. I love it here with you,” he admitted quietly. “I just don’t want to feel like a burden.

“You’re not remotely a burden. You don’t have to go to work right now. I am enjoying having you around while I am out of school.” Then Cas gave Dean a calculating look that Dean was leary of. Cas had an agenda here and he’d been holding off on presenting it to Dean, but now seemed like the best time. He only hoped Dean would agree. He was trying not to get his hopes up because the chances were slim.

“Actually, I _do_ want to make you a proposal, Dean.” He looked hesitant for the first time. He wasn’t going to pull a power play on Dean this time, Dean could tell. He wasn’t sure if that was good or bad.

Dean looked at him warily. “What kind of proposal?”

Cas sighed, knowing the only way to do this was just to spit it out. “I’d like to... that is, if you’d permit me….” Cas sighed heavily and started again, getting it all out in a rush this time. “I’d like to pay for you to go back to school at ECSCC and in exchange, I would ask that you volunteer at the youth center with me twice a week and get straight A’s.”

Dean stared at him for a moment, dumbfounded. His instinct was to say no on principle. He didn’t accept charity, ever. On the other hand, if he went back to school, he had an opportunity to get a career where he could make more money and potentially pay Cas back for _everything._ The potential for that meant it was an offer that he could maybe accept.

Especially if he did the volunteering Cas wanted. If it had been anything else, Dean might have thought Cas was just throwing that in there. Dean knew, though, that the shelter was very important to Cas. If he was asking Dean to volunteer there, it was because he really wanted Dean there and not just as a pretend way to pay him back.

Cas waited for the argument or the outright rejection of his offer, but it didn’t come. Instead, Dean just stared at him contemplatively for a moment, as if he was actually considering the idea. Cas didn’t dare get his hopes up, though.

Finally, Dean said, “Let’s get California over and done with and then we’ll talk about what happens after, okay?”

Cas was confused until it hit him. “You want to talk to Sam about it. You might actually do it?” Cas let all his hope and happiness show in his face, so Dean knew it hadn’t been offered on the hopes that Dean wouldn’t accept.

Dean smiled. “I will _think_ about it, Cas, but yes, I want to talk to Sam about it and see what he has to say before I decide anything. Okay?”

Cas thought it was more than okay. He pulled Dean in for a deep kiss, the promise of maybe more than enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always for reading!   
> Follow my [Fandom Tumblr](http://iwannaliveindeansdimples.tumblr.com) and my [Writing Tumblr](http://jamiedeanwrites.tumblr.com) for news, boys kissing and general weirdness (or if you just wanna say hi when I'm not posting, or ask me when I'll be posting again, that kind of thing)   
> ♥♥♥


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